Oh, and by the way,

The people at Spanx are lie-tellers.

After wriggling into the scuba suit I ordered from them in an effort to NOT look like I never exercise, I was sorely disappointed to discover that instead of sucking in the flab, it simply made it smoother.

I've bought control garments that redistributed the fat so you have unholy bulges and rolls in places that God never intended women to have bulges and rolls, but this was not the same. $82 later and I looked like a much tauter chubby chick instead of Cindy Crawford circa 1985, as I had hoped.

Mothereffers forced me back to the gym, which is where I'm heading right now. Bastards.