Blog Archive

Friday, July 30, 2010

OOBH Stew

Heya! Sorry I'm a little tardy for the party this morning. The shit hit the fan at work and I've been scrambling all morning. I do so hate it when my job gets in the way of my blogging. I mean, really! So annoying.

How's every little thing? All good here, just trying to recover from a fun but exhausting day at Water Country yesterday. I'm sunburned in places that I didn't even know existed, still tired after 8 hours of solid sleep, and the bottoms of my feet are still sore from walking barefoot on scorching hot concrete all day -- but it's all good in the hood! We had a blast at the park and then finished off the day with margaritas and Tex-Mex. Now that's my idea of a great day.

Now it's Friday, and we ain't got shit to do! Okay, that's not entirely true... I actually have plenty to do today, but not before I serve up some delicious OOBH Stew.

Wow, all my dog ever did was ruin the lawn with his giant turd logs.

This little :13 clip made me giggle, so I had to watch it again. And again. And again. Then once more for good measure.



*giggle*

Coco works out in stripper heels:



Coco has been in the Stew before; she's Ice T's girlfriend (wife?) who is mostly known for her massive rear end and for wearing clothes so tight that her camel toe is LEGEN... wait for it... DARY.

Apparently she's also well known for Tweeting all kinds of inappropriate photos of herself, so it came as no surprise to her followers when she posted this picture of herself working out in Lucite stripper heels. Yowza.

Pic via The Huffington Post.

California Gurls... are unreliable?

I've seen a lot of spoofs of Katy Perry's California Gurls song and video, but this one by the hilarious YouTube comedy troupe The Key of Awesome is my favorite:



There are lots more funny parodies with great production value on that YouTube page, so check it out when you have some time and need a laugh. One of my favorites is the one about no-talent assclown John Mayer.

Last and least, this photo has been making the internet rounds this week:



I think we can all agree that it's pretty disturbing, yet oddly hilarious. Those cats look royally pissed off. Thoughts?

Gotta run - stupid work. Have a groovy weekend, all!
XOXO

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Thursday, July 29, 2010

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Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Ah Can't Feel Ma' Ton

Mornin'!

I spent about 75 minutes in the dentist's chair this morning getting a temporary crown put on my molar, which is more evidence that I'm getting old and decrepit. I've been putting it off for almost two years (oops) because my shitty dental insurance doesn't cover crowns & after all, the tooth didn't hurt... so what was the rush? Well, today I finally gave in and let them drill the hell out of my tooth, fill my mouth repeatedly with nasty gel/foam/putty to make their molds, and fit me with a temporary crown until the permanent one comes back from the lab.

GOOD TIMES.

(not)



Nah, it wasn't so bad. My dentist is a pleasant enough fellow even though his last name is Hussein, which Jim finds hilarious. Every time they leave a reminder call on my answer machine Jim says that Saddam called to remind me of my appointment.

The Dental Hygienist is also named Beverly, which gets confusing. There's nothing like having eight fingers in your mouth and hearing the dentist say, "Bev, could you reach that scope for me?" No matter how many times it happens, I always twitch a little. Bev the Hygienist also has a rather irritating habit of humming, or outright singing, along with the radio. I'm sitting there trying to ignore the whine of the drill and zone out to the easy listening channel and all I can hear is Bev humming away. Fuckin' Bev.

Driving to work after my appointment I discovered two things: the first is that I had some sort of dried white crusty stuff in the corner of my mouth that looked reeeeeeeally incriminating and disgusting. The second is that it's nearly impossible to apply lipstick when your lips are completely numb, so I ended up looking a bit odd by the time I got to the office.

Now I'm starving but can't eat until I can feel my face again, which Bev no likey. You wouldn't like me when I'm hungry.

Of course, I can't mention novocaine or the dentist without posting this classic Bill Cosby routine. I grew up with this bit, and it's still funny after all these years. It's funny 'cuz it's true!



Happy Hump Day!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

A trip down Memory Boardwalk

I'm sure that most of you don't know this about me, but before my family moved to Vermont (when I was a baby) we lived in New Jersey. Specifically, we lived in Toms River, NJ, which is just a hop, skip, and a hump from Seaside Heights, where the infamous train wreck known as MTV's The Jersey Shore is taped. They also shoot scenes right there in Toms River, the town where I was born.



Even though I would have gone through school *mumble*mumble* years before these tanorexic gym clowns, I can only imagine how I might have turned out if I had grown up in that environment instead of my idyllic Mayberry-type small town. Since I'm not even a tiny bit Italian I don't imagine I would have fit in with the Guido crew, and since I am as white as a glass of whole milk and can't attain any sort of height from my bangs, I can only imagine that I wouldn't have fit in very well at all.

But I do like pickles.

Anyway....

I'm thanking my lucky stars that I grew up here:



Population: 665. All either hearty New Englanders or ambitious Flatlanders, like my parents.



It really is this pretty.

Every summer my parents sent my sister and me down to the shore to spend a week with my grandmother, who lived in Asbury Park, NJ, just north of Seaside Heights. Fans of Bruce Springsteen will recognize Asbury as being his hometown.



My grandmother lived in a senior living community called Asbury Towers, and it was one of the only high-rises around. She lived way up on the eighty-something-th floor and as a kid it was always very exciting to stay with her there in her tiny but plush apartment. I loved the elevator rides, the view of the ocean from her living room window, her teeny galley kitchen, sleeping on the pull-out sofa, and the fact that she got different (and better!) cartoons in the morning. I have very fond memories of watching The Jetsons while eating cereal in that apartment.

My dad would drive us down, spend the night, and then drive home the next day. As soon as we arrived my grandmother would pull out a bag of stale bread she'd been saving and we'd go down to the lake to feed the ducks, then we'd all head over to the boardwalk where I would get either a candy apple or one of those giant lollypops that always cut the shit out of your tongue.



Hey, it was the early 80's. I'm sure those shorts were the height of fashion!

At this point the boardwalk was already in a steady state of decline. A lot of shops had already closed and were boarded up and the crime was getting bad once evening fell each night. In the late 80's there would be reports of hypodermic needles washing up on shore and muggings in broad daylight. By the time I was 13 or 14 my parents moved my grandmother to Vermont because they feared for her safety living alone in Asbury. She was also losing her marbles, but that's another story for another day.

Still, those handful of summer visits remain some of my most cherished childhood memories. My grandmother was fun and even kind of hip for an old lady. She drove a car that she called Jesse, had lots of friends who loved to come out to eat with us, and took us out to play mini golf, eat salt water taffy, and dine at the Howard Johnson's or Sizzler. Each day she'd consult the sign to tell us when high tide was so that we could avoid the big waves.



Now that I'm an adult I haven't been back to the shore in over twenty years, but I became a fan of Asbury Park on Facebook so each day I am treated to photos and blurbs about what is happening on the boardwalk that day. They have apparently done a lot of refurbishing and reconstructing the boardwalk area, and I'm so glad that it is being returned to its former glory. If there is any good to come of the hot mess known as The Jersey Shore, perhaps it is that attention (and tax dollars) will be returned to these family fun spots that languished for so long.

Here are some photos taken recently, compliments of Facebook:





And look! You never know when you might run into a celebrity down the shore:



Next year I hope to bring my family back to the Jersey shore for a vacation. If I can give them some of the same warm fuzzy memories that I have, I think it would make my grandmother and father, who have both passed on now, very happy. I think it would make me happy, too.

Have a lovely summer day!
XOXO

ETA: Here are a few beautiful photos taken last weekend on the NJ shore by my very talented old friend (and newish FOOBH!), Bob M. Montgomery.

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Monday, July 26, 2010

That's it! Next Year I'm THERE.

'Sup, FOOBHs? Nice to see ya'. It's Monday afternoon and I'm just now shaking off the glitter from my clothing after a fun weekend with the fam. Yesterday we hit (Obi-Wan) Canobie Lake Park for some fun and amusement with our friends The Malas. It was a pleasant weekend, without a doubt, yet something was missing....

Here's what was also going on in the world this weekend.



Muppet Aliens! MIB! Storm Troopers!

Yes, it was Comic-Con 2010 in San Diego last weekend, and for the first time in my non-geeky existence I kinda wanted to go! It just looked like fun, what with all the beautiful celebrities (and Chevy Chase, too!), people dressed in silly costumes, and the over-all crazy-coolness of it all.



My little nerdlings would love to meet Darth Vader.



Where else could you see Fat Batman riding an escalator?



Or Spiderman (in his hip hat) with... um, Christina Aguilera?


Most likely reading the "Help Wanted" ads.

Or bump into a Storm Trooper* in the elevator:


I somehow doubt these folks were aware that Comic-Con was going on in this hotel.

Or... whatever the fuck this is?



Don't tell me this doesn't look like a great time! Oh, and the entire cast of True Blood was there, so you know I'm in. Mama like!

Of course, if Sci-Fi isn't your thing, you could always go to Italy and party with Pariah Paris Hilton.



Charming, huh? She's still got it!

I mean it, next year I'm in. Note to self: I really need to stick to my diet if I want to wriggle into that Wonder Woman costume by next July....

* My nerdy knowledgeable friend mjenks informs me that this is actually a "Biker Scout" from Return of the Jedi. Duh, Bev! Stoopid, stoopid!

(All Comic-Con pics are compliments of The Huffington Post)

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Sunday, July 25, 2010

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Saturday, July 24, 2010

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