OOBH Stew, anyone?

I've got things to get off my (real and spectacular) chest, so how 'bout an old classic - delicious OOBH Stew!  It's been a while since I've whipped up a batch.  Enjoy.

Yay, it's Friday! I love those!

6 Degrees of Awesome... and Kevin Bacon.

It's a very rare commercial that makes my husband and me laugh out loud, then rewind and watch it again. This ad made us do just that:

Photoshop: Friend AND Foe

I've been doing some freelance work for the terrific Photoshop Disasters.com, so I've been looking at a lot of hilariously bad photographs lately. This is one of my favorites:

Shiseido: getting a leg up on the competition

*Warning - shameless self-promotion ahead!*
Just in case you haven't seen it, my first PsD-commissioned post landed on Oddee a few weeks ago. With 115k views so far, this is definitely the most exposure my stuff has ever gotten! Too bad my name's not on it... but c'est la vie. Them's the breaks when you're a modern-day cowboy.  ;)

Speaking of Photoshop, I recently found some very cool rollover images (that I sadly cannot embed here). It's kind of refreshing to see what models really look like before graphic artists work their magic! Here's a preview:

See them all here.

My new favorite Comedian*

We watched Demetri Martin, Person on Netflix the other night, and I can't recommend it enough!  I haven't laughed so hard in a very, very long time.  Demetri is technically a comedian but he uses a lot of different mediums for his comedy, so he's more like a performance artist.  He draws, plays instruments, has background performers, and sings - all with hilarious results.  Here's a video of the segment of his comedy special in which he uses a pointer and gives a little hand-drawn visual aid routine:



It's kind of long, so if you don't have time to check it out, just do yourself a favor and watch his entire Comedy Central special.

* Aside from awesome BOOBH and burgeoning stand-up comic Frank Irwin, of course, who is fan-freakin'-tastic.  :)

That's the Stew for today.  Hope you all got your fill of delicious randomness - I know I did.
Have a groovy weekend!

TGI-Funny!

Hey, my peeps! Hope you're all coasting through your Fridays and skidding into the weekend with a beer in one hand and a bag of chips in the other. I'm taking it easy today. My oldest son has no school so he's here in my office with me. He's being really good, so soon I'll reward him with lunch at McD's and an exciting trip through the automatic car wash. Don't say I don't spoil the kid!

I've got two quick funnies for you today and one video that I just thought was cool.

The first video is from my cool-as-shit friend Cheryl, who manages to be a scholar, a lawyer, a hot babe, and a wife and mother of two without being annoying in the slightest. That's a mean feat! She's also one of my oldest friends; she's been putting up with my shenanigans for over twenty years now. Yikes!

This is just another example of why I rarely relate to "mommy blogs" and feel like the only mom in the PTA who likes to drink and swear.

This made me LOL:

Finally, I just thought this was neat. Do yourself a favor and mute it though; the music is ultra-annoying!

Impressive Chameleon - watch more funny videos

You come and go... you come and gooo-ooo.

Gotta run. Have a happy weekend, my dears!
*mwah*

OOBH Stew: What A Boob! Edition

Happy Friday, my lovely BOOBHs! Who's ready for a weekend? I know I am; I've been limping through this week while fighting a very strange on-again/off-again cold, so I'm ready for some R&R. We're also picking up our new kitten this evening, so I'm excited about that! I haven't had a kitten in over 14 years... so this will be interesting. I've warned the kids to expect lots of scratches and bites, but something tells me there will be tears as they get used to kitten behavior. Oy.

Anyhooters, despite my lingering cold I managed to throw together some yummy OOBH Stew today. Don't worry, I wore rubber gloves and a hairnet to keep my germs contained. Dig in!

So there is such a thing as "too big."

According to Oddee.com and Guinness World Records, this woman has the largest natural breasts in the world. Ouch!

Oddee sez:

In 1999, the Guinness World Records declared Norma as having the Biggest Natural Breasts in the world and also the owner of the largest bra. Her measurements at the time were 70-48-52". Her bra size was 48V. Each tit weighed 28 pounds and she weighed 270. Since then her tits have grown up to 72ZZZ and she tops the scale at 345 pounds.

YIKES!  Almost 60 lbs of boobage?  That is just plain crazy-talk.

We've been HAD.

Well, we would have been had if we gave a crap, I guess.

It's been confirmed that Dave was NOT in on the joke.

Remember when we all watched Joaquin Phoenix go off the deep end and turn into a mumbling, unkempt "rap star" who thoroughly embarrassed himself on Letterman while promoting his "documentary," I'm Still Here?  Turns out, it was all a publicity stunt in the name of performance art.  Filmmaker Casey Affleck admitted to the NYT that it was all a ruse.

Sadly, according to the reviews I've read, knowing it's fake won't make this movie any better, though maybe the knowledge will ease the nausea caused by seeing Joaquin (allegedly) get shat upon.

But probably not.  ::shudder::

What? You mean Kate Gosselin doesn't really look impossibly good? Get out!

Courtesy of WWTDD

People magazine Photoshopped the bejezus out of that one, eh?  Sure, Kate looks like she works hard to keep her figure trim and I've seen legitimate pics of her on the beach where she is rocking a 6-pack, but the People cover is yet another example of how the media takes someone who already looks fine by normal societal standards and turns them into completely smoothed-out androids with zero percent body fat and not a blemish in sight.  It's bullshit, and I'm sick of seeing it.  I actually want to see the beautiful people's warts!  This is why I adore the bottom-feeding paparazzi for keepin' it real.

Btw, it's a well-documented fact that Kate had a tummy tuck and lipo to put her abused bod back together after having a litter of kids, but she denies having had a boob job.  Uh huh.  Suuuuuuuure, Kate.

A funny Facebook pic.

This one's been making the rounds on FB this week and it made me giggle:

Cockroaches and Cher, right Rich Girl Red?  ;)

Finally, a bit of randomness that is both completely bizarre and guaranteed to get stuck in your head:

From IAmHilarious

"Ooh, that's dirty!"
"Do ya think so?"

Ha ha!  I likey.

Hope you enjoyed it, my dears.  Catch you on the flip side!

My stream of consciousness is polluted!

'Sup, peeps? TGIF! I hope you're all coasting through your Friday and have excellent long weekends planned. I don't have a lot on the agenda this weekend; we're due to get the remnants of Hurricane Earl tonight into tomorrow, so my plans involve not losing power and not having a tree fall into my house. Always good plans, I'd say!

This has been a rather busy week. Even though there have been tons of Stew-worthy things I haven't had much time to hunt and gather, so today I'm just going to give you a little stream of consciousness blabbing.  It's not really OOBH Stew, it's more like OOBH hors d'oeuvres. ;)


Of all the embarrassing ways to die....

Say you're a successful doctor in California who has an on-again, off-again relationship with a guy.  You're currently off-again, but you want to talk.  You go over to his house but he refuses to let you in.  You try to break in but can't, so what do you do?

If you're Dr. Jacquelyn Kotarac, you set down your purse and cell phone in the backyard, climb a ladder to the roof and try to slide down the chimney like a sort of Fatal Attraction-style Santa Claus.  Yes, seriously.

A day or so later the boyfriend leaves for Europe. Another day goes by and the housesitter notices a smell and... fluids... dripping from the chimney.  After calling the authorities they find the good doctor wedged in the chimney just two feet from the fireplace, dead as a doornail.

YUCK.


What in the world?  Sure, we've all done some crazy things for love, I'm sure, but that takes the cake.  Think about that the next time you're seeking advice from your doctor, won't you?  I know I will.

Not to be outdone by Lindsay, Paris Hilton might be heading back to the slammer.

Not a moment too soon, right?   The story goes like so: Paris and her boyfriend were fish-bowling a  Tony Soprono mobile (Cadillac Escalade) on the Las Vegas strip when a cop pulled alongside them at a red light.  The cop smelled the sweet scent of marijuana and pulled them over, where her boyfriend promptly failed a sobriety test.

Being a celebrity, Paris asked to hide from the Paps in the Wynn Hotel (which has since banned her ass from entering their establishment, btw).  She then asked the cop to hand her her purse so that she could put on some lip balm, and when she opened the purse a bag of coke fell out at his feet.

"It's not miiiiine, baby!"

What a fucking idiot!  Oh, and let's not forget that this is the THIRD TIME she has been arrested for drugs this summer.  Lock her up & throw away the key!  She gets an "Eff YOU, Skank" award from La Bev, you'd better believe it.


I've never liked Paris or thought she was pretty.  In fact, I've always thought she looks like an insect of sorts, like a Praying Mantis or something.  I checked Google for a Paris Mantis shot but found nothing, but I did find this cool, creepy picture of a real Praying Mantis at night:

That's hot.

Which of course, made me think of those Isabella Rossalini green pornos:



So there's that.


9021-oh shit!  I missed it!

Yesterday was 9-02-10 and I just didn't have time to blog about it.  Sads, I know.  :(  I was never a huge fan of the show, I'll be honest, but I did watch it now and then and liked it a lot during my early teen years.

To me the funniest part of the show, other than the glaring lack of parental supervision and the fact that a dimwit who looked like Donna Martin was popular, was their hair.  Everything from big bangs (Andrea), flat tops (David), giant sideburns (Brendan, Dylan) to greasy curly mullets (Steve) were represented!  It was a hodgepodge of bad 'dos, and it was fabulous.

So there you have it.  Straight out of my head into yours, as advertised.  I hope you all have a fun and safe Labor Day weekend!

*mwah*

OOBH Stew: Eff You, Skank! Edition

Hey there! What's shakin', my BOOBHs? (see what I did there?)

It's Friday, and you know what that means: OOBH Stew time. Today I'm gonna do something a little different though because I do so love to mix it up and keep it real, don't you?

Last night as I was thinking about what pop culture nuggets I'd mince up for the stew I realized that all of the stories I wanted to talk about involved celebu-skanks who need to be told to eff off, and fast. I don't typically get so negative here on the OOBH but this has been building for a while now, so today I shall release the Kraken and add a hearty pinch of "EFF YOU, SKANK" seasoning to the Stew.

Tastes like cigarettes and Thunderbird.

Naturally, if you're offended by the F-bomb you might want to skip this one. If not, pull up a stool (heh heh, I said stool) and enjoy.

Eff You, Skank #1:  Fuck You by Cee-Lo Green.

The first ingredient comes from a rather unlikely source, but since I am the Tess McGill of the blogging world I take pride in collecting information from many different sources.  I heard about this song yesterday while listening to NPR. Yes, I know - I'm such a rock star, pumpin' my public radio to find the freshest new jams. *eye roll*

Bear with me, because this song is hilarious AND it fits in with today's theme. The song is called "Fuck You" and it's catchy as all get-out. It's already a huge hit online even though it hasn't even been released yet. You simply must listen to it to understand the coolness of it all, but be forewarned - it's obviously NSFW and contains bad language. Durr.

Right?!  I love it!

Eff You, Skank #2:  LiHo is out of jail/rehab.

This bish, right? The best part is that now they're blaming all of her partying and erratic behavior on being prescribed Adderall when she didn't have ADD. YEAH RIGHT! Nice try, folks. Oooh, Adderall mimics the effects of cocaine? Well guess what? So does COCAINE, which she was caught with on two of the occasions when she got stopped for DUI.

Now she'll get millions of dollars to do her post-jail interviews in which she'll cry and say how the court system wronged her & the judge was unfair.  She'll have a career renaissance and will be hotter than ever while the rest of us are just trying to stay out of trouble and pay the goddamned electric bill on time. FUCK YOU, SKANK!

Eff You, Skank #3:  Heidi Montag wants to have her DDD implants removed.

BOO HOO!  They make her back hurt and she has to have her clothes custom-made.  Waaaaaaaaaaah!

So you mean that tottering around with 2+ gallons of saline perched on your 100 lb. frame wasn't a good idea?  Who'da thunk it?!

FUCK YOU, ya' halfwit!  Go away!

Eff You, Skank #4:   Britney has a hot bod again.

Remember when Brit-Brit was cray-cray and looked like this:

Via WWTDD

Well, now that she's back on her meds, has stopped sucking down frappecinos like they're water, and has re-enlisted the help of her personal trainer, she looks great again.

Where the hell are MY personal trainers and chefs? Oh yeah, that's right, I don't have any because I'm not a nutcase who is more famous for going crazy and not wearing panties than for her... wait, what did she used to do? Sing, or something?

Shoot, man. Fuck you. Skank.



Okay, now that I've gotten that off my chest I feel a lot better! :)  Anyone else need to vent?  Have at it - we don't judge.

We'll get back to rainbows, puppies, and sunshine next week. Have a great weekend!

OOBH Stew: Plastic Fantastic Edition

Happy Friday!! Man, I am really glad it's the weekend. This week just seemed to draaaaaaaag by. I think what we all need is some delicious OOBH Stew to kick off the weekend, don't you? Fair warning, though - this batch tastes a little plastic-y. Next time I'll add less latex.

Rolling Stone magazine cover features some kick-ass Vamporn

Even though Sookie's waist looks so Photoshopped it's amazing that she can even stand upright, it's still kind of hot -- in a totally disgusting and gruesome sort of way, of course. 

Jenny McCarthy got some work done.

Courtesy of Awful Plastic Surgery.com

They're saying she got a new nose and cheek implants.  Now she looks a little bit like Madame, yes?

Speaking of new body parts, Renee Zellwegger got some new boobs, and they're enormous.

Courtesy of Awful Plastic Surgery.com

I kind of like them, but then again, I like big boobs. *shrug*

Malibu Ken went BOOM.

Yes, I know that's mean, but you've gotta admit that you snickered, right?  Famous surgeon (and creator of the creature formerly-known as Heidi Montag) Dr. Frank Ryan died in a car accident.

Last Monday he crashed his car off of a cliff in Malibu while driving home after taking a hike with his dog. Since he had Tweeted a picture of his dog just 20 minutes before the accident occurred everyone is wondering if he lost control of his car because he was texting/tweeting.

Poor guy - imagine being a handsome, semi-famous, successful and wealthy surgeon and dying because you just had to write, "LOL" on someone's Facebook status? Ugh.

Finally, here's a funny video to rinse the plastic taste out of your mouth.

Ron Burgundy IS Darth Vader!

I *heart* Ron Burgundy!

There it is, folks. I hope you have a great weekend!
*kisses*

OOBH Stew: Oh hiiiii, Mischa!

Welcome to your Friday morning. How's everything hangin' today? Good, I hope. I've thrown together a nice mixture of Stew for you today. This batch has a little kick to it, so you may need to cancel those afternoon meetings.

Mischa Barton looooooooves to get high

NTTAWWT.

This isn't the first (or second, or even third) time that Mischa has been caught toking up on camera, but this is the first time that we've seen her strolling around town with visible track marks on her arm. Okay, alleged track marks. They're either track marks or she was bitten on the arm by a vampire - you be the judge.


Pic courtesy of WWTDD.




All of these pictures shock no one, of course, considering that Mischa used to look like this ------>









But recently, ever since her career hit the skids, has been looking more like this.

<------

Rod Stewart is 65, still likes to get it on.

If you think he's sexy, and you want his body, come on let him knock you up!

Rod and his wife Penny will welcome their second child sometime in 2011. This will be rod's eighth child. I guess they don't call him ROD for nothin', eh ladies? *nudge, nudge*

Ahem.

Thanks, Rhonda G. for the tip.

The "Jenny Quitting" viral hoax fooled us all.

I'd be more embarrassed about loving this bit and doing my part to spread it around the internet if it wasn't so cute & funny, and if it weren't for the fact that everyone else in the WWW also fell for it. For those of you who don't know what I mean, Jimmy Kimmel explains it all here.

The Kids In The Hall are back!

No way! Prove it!

This may be my very favorite sketch of them all. And it's really short, too!

Last week, BOOBH TS Hendrik told us in the comment section that TKITH were reuninting for a new show, and then BAM! There they were on last week's The Soup to promote it. The new show is an 8 part mini-series which premiers next Friday, August 20th on IFC. LOVE! I can't wait -- set those DVRs.

Have a great weekend, you sexy beasts! Until we blog again.
*mwah*

OOBH Stew: Scarred For Life Edition

Good morning! How are my FOOBHs today? I'm good, just a little tired. I've got a headache THIS BIG and it's got I-have-no-idea written all over it. Seriously, it's been a few days and I can't shake it. I'm sure I'm just tired, but it's getting old.

I'm still thigh-deep in The Passage and I've decided that it's one of the most intense books I've ever read. It's like Stephen King's The Stand on steroids, and last night I found myself weeping as I read it because it's just too real; and the reality of what would happen to our world after a cataclysmic event is that we're all pretty much fucked. Usually when I'm really into a good book I have a hard time putting it down because I'm a little ADD about reading, but this one is different; I need to take breaks because it's just so emotionally-wrenching.

Hmmm, on second thought, maybe I do know why I've had a headache for days....

Anyway, let's have some OOBH Stew and forget our fears, shall we? Oh, except I've kind of got a whole horrific images theme going on today.... Oops.

Heard of The Human Centipede?

This movie is apparently one of the most gruesome horror flicks ever made, and I personally have no intention of seeing it. However, since it's making such a ruckus in the world of Pop Culture, I felt I should at least acknowledge that it exists. What better way to give it a nod than with humor? Here's Comedy Central's Daniel Tosh spoiling the movie rotten and somehow making the gore as funny as possible in the process.

Tosh.0
Spoiler Alert - Human Centipede
www.comedycentral.com
Tosh.0 Videos Daniel Tosh Web Redemption

NOTE: I'm serious about the SPOILERS. He basically gives a summary of the whole plot, which is good for those of us who like to stay on top of stuff but don't want to scar our souls with this crap.

Dood, Alicia Keys got wicked fat.

Haha, just kidding! She's pregnant, yo, and still rocking a bikini. She looks pretty great. I don't even wear a bikini when I'm NOT knocked up, so more power to her!

Laurence Fishburn's daughter became a porn star.

Picture this guy as a chick. Now picture him naked, riding the disco stick.

Yup. Poor Morpheus.

His 18 year-old daughter Montana is fulfilling her lifelong ambition of becoming an adult film star.

Reach for the stars, Montana!

And after that, reach for your ankles. D'oh!

News Flash! Britney Spears is still a mess.

Here she is walking around L.A. yesterday, slurping on a milkshake and not wearing pants.

I can't say as I blame her because it's a well-documented fact that La Bev also hates pants.

Still. My eyes!

That's it for today. Tonight I'm staying up way past my bedtime to go see Inception with the Huz. I'm looking forward to it but had better start caffeinating if I want to make it past midnight in those comfy stadium seats!

Have a great weekend, all.
*MWAH*

OOBH Stew

Heya! Sorry I'm a little tardy for the party this morning. The shit hit the fan at work and I've been scrambling all morning. I do so hate it when my job gets in the way of my blogging. I mean, really! So annoying.

How's every little thing? All good here, just trying to recover from a fun but exhausting day at Water Country yesterday. I'm sunburned in places that I didn't even know existed, still tired after 8 hours of solid sleep, and the bottoms of my feet are still sore from walking barefoot on scorching hot concrete all day -- but it's all good in the hood! We had a blast at the park and then finished off the day with margaritas and Tex-Mex. Now that's my idea of a great day.

Now it's Friday, and we ain't got shit to do! Okay, that's not entirely true... I actually have plenty to do today, but not before I serve up some delicious OOBH Stew.

Wow, all my dog ever did was ruin the lawn with his giant turd logs.

This little :13 clip made me giggle, so I had to watch it again. And again. And again. Then once more for good measure.



*giggle*

Coco works out in stripper heels:

Coco has been in the Stew before; she's Ice T's girlfriend (wife?) who is mostly known for her massive rear end and for wearing clothes so tight that her camel toe is LEGEN... wait for it... DARY.

Apparently she's also well known for Tweeting all kinds of inappropriate photos of herself, so it came as no surprise to her followers when she posted this picture of herself working out in Lucite stripper heels. Yowza.

Pic via The Huffington Post.

California Gurls... are unreliable?

I've seen a lot of spoofs of Katy Perry's California Gurls song and video, but this one by the hilarious YouTube comedy troupe The Key of Awesome is my favorite:



There are lots more funny parodies with great production value on that YouTube page, so check it out when you have some time and need a laugh. One of my favorites is the one about no-talent assclown John Mayer.

Last and least, this photo has been making the internet rounds this week:

Via Holy Taco.

I think we can all agree that it's pretty disturbing, yet oddly hilarious. Those cats look royally pissed off. Thoughts?

Gotta run - stupid work. Have a groovy weekend, all!
XOXO

OOBH Stew: 'the case of the missing belly button' Edition

Greetings, my lovelies! We made it to another Friday! Yay, us! Hope you've all got fun weekends lined up. Let's line your stomachs with some filling, enriched-with-grooviness stew, shall we?

Remember MySpace?

Holy Taco wrote a great post about the wasteland that is MySpace.



My favorite part:

"But now that most of your friends have probably moved on to other social networking sites, your friends list will probably feel like the town you grew up in…after a zombie apocalypse has killed everybody you knew and loved. Navigating from page to page feels like wandering from one empty, dusty, dilapidated house to another, while occasionally catching glimpses of comments and blog posts that-- like a wrist watch after an EMP blast – give the entire page this weird frozen-in-time sensation, making it all feel a little eerie."

I have to agree. I went back there a few months ago after not visiting my MySpace page in several years. This description is dead-on accurate! After spending about two minutes on the site I respectfully requested that Tom cancel my account. It's okay though; we agreed that we'd still be friends. Just friends who never see or speak to each other, ever. It's all good.

In my world, good neighbors leave me the hell alone.

This State Farm commercial makes me giggle:

J-WTF?

This is Jenni "J-Woww" Farley from that crap show (that I don't watch but still know way more than I should know about it because the media keeps cramming it down my throat), The Jersey Shore. She's posing for Maxim and... well, the photoshoppers over at Maxim must have had a field day with this one.



First of all, where's her belly button? Secondly, is she wetting herself? Third, why is she gnawing on her knuckle? So many questions.

It's just a shame they couldn't do a thing about her butterface. You can see all of the pics over at Celebitchy.

Whoopie was drunk and/or high on The Spew View this week.

I like Whoopie. She seems like fun.

Of course, I'd have to be drunk to even WATCH that crap, so who can blame her?

Ya' know what's absolutely fabulous? Kicking breast cancer's sorry ASS.

I just want to send out a big HURRAH and a "Cheers, darling" to Jennifer Saunders (above, left), who has been given the all-clear after having surgery, chemo, and radiation for breast cancer. I have always been a big fan of her comedy, and I wish her a speedy recovery and ZERO recurrences!

Also, as a reminder - The Bev loves boobs. Girls, feel yourself up for me this weekend, won't you? Early detection is half the battle!

On that note, I'll bid you all farewell. Enjoy your weekends!
*kiss, kiss*

OOBH Stew: With Extra Tentacles

Happy Friday, FOOBHS! Even though I only worked three days this week I am pumped for the weekend! We've got some home improvement stuff to do around the house tomorrow, then we're having friends over for the first lobstah of the summer. WOOHOO!

But enough about the future meals that will get in ma' belly, let's have some STEW!

Shit My Dad Says is #1 on the NY Times Non-Fiction Best Seller List

Less than one year ago Justin Halpern was a 28 year old semi-employed comedy writer whose girlfriend dumped him, forcing him to move back in with his parents. Once there, he recognized the pure comedy gold lying in his lap, and he started a Twitter feed called, "Shit My Dad Says." One thing lead to another, a friend shared the link somewhere, comedian Rob Corddry Tweeted the link, and BOOM! Over a million people subscribed to his "micro-blogs" and before too long, publishers came knocking. This fall, William Shatner will star as his dad in a sitcom version on CBS.

He is successful beyond his wildest dreams, and it all started with a Twitter account. There is hope for all of us!

LiHo is still going to jail.

The world at large cries out,

The new Office boss might be Schruteriffic.

According to EW, the chances are very good that Dwight might take over the Dunder Mifflin branch when Steve Carell moves on after the next season.

Hmmmmm... not sure how I feel about that. You?

There is a German octopus named Paul, and he is both psychic AND a soccer fan.

I'd just like to point out that this story broke on the day that I blogged about octopuses and two-fers. Just sayin'.

No, no, FUCKING no!

Via Dlisted.

Russell Brand has been cast in the title role of a remake of Arthur. Goddamn it! When will Hollywood just leave well enough alone? There's nothing wrong with the original Arthur, it's perfect as-is! Get some new ideas, asswipes! GRRRRRRR.

30 seconds that will leave you smiling.

Via Huffington Post

Awwwww!