My "Oh Hell No" List

Recently Mala's husband and mother fulfilled their lifelong dreams of skydiving, which got me thinking about things that no one could ever pay me to do of my own free will. Ever. I was thinking it's kind of like an anti-Bucket List.

This morning I was planning to write something about this "Oh Hell No" list of mine, and then oddly enough my friend Cary posted a Question of the Day asking his readers what is on their Bucket Lists. This coincidence is more proof that my "Rule of Two" is still very much in effect. Furthermore, yesterday Jim reminded me of the time my son accidentally purchased a $5 on-demand movie by pushing a bunch of buttons on the remote control. The movie? The Bucket List with Jack Nicholson.

*Twilight Zone music*

Anyhooters.

Many of the items on some people's BLs are on my OHN list. I thought it might be fun to share them here, because sharing is giving a shit. Or something like that.

The top three items on my "OHN" list:

Skydiving

Am I in the Air Force and need to learn to drop into enemy territory in the dead of night? No. Does the concept of hurtling towards the hard Earth at 200 mph while my ears pop painfully (and maybe even bleed a little) appeal to me? Oh, HELL NO.



Life is full of opportunities to hurt yourself without putting yourself in a pointless, dangerous situation like this one. I once cut my hand apart on a can of peaches, for goodness sake, I don't need to take risks like this one. If man were meant to fly we'd have been born with wings.

Bungee jumping

I like my vertebrate aligned just as they are, thanks. Besides... ladies and gentlemen, Exhibit A:

PASS.

White Water Rafting

I've almost drowned twice in my life; once as a child, and once when I was twenty years old and got sucked over a series of waterfalls in a natural gorge in Vermont where several other people had drowned before. Swimming there was not my smartest move, to be sure. Tempting fate by putting myself in the hands of a raging river and a (former straight C student) river guide is not exactly tops on my list of good time activities.

I know three different people who have done rafting trips and all three of them either fell out of the boat or witnessed someone falling out of the boat on their trips; nobody got hurt, but still. No thanks.

So there it is.

What about you -- what's on your OH HELL NO list?