Notes to self

MEMO 1/26/09

TO: Bev's Bod
FROM: Bev's Brain
RE: What condition your condition is in.

It has come to our attention that your pants have grown snug and your double chin has come out to play. We've also noticed that you're drinking a lot of BEER lately, and we can't help but think these two items are related. It cannot be a coincidence that your daily beer consumption went up right around the time the little line on the scale went up.

We are demanding that you cease and desist with this self-destructive behavior immediately. Please, think of the clingy dress you need to squeeze into for that big family wedding in two weeks. Also, remember that there will be pictures taken that weekend. Lots of pictures, from all angles, most of which you will not be aware are being taken.

Thank you,
The Management
_____________________________________________

MEMO 1/27/09

TO: Bev's Brain
FROM: Bev's Bod
RE: Fine.

Okay, you have a point about the beer. I stopped drinking beer a week ago because I, too, noticed the bloat. Beer guts are hardly attractive. I get it. But I'm still drinking wine on the weekends, so suck it.
_____________________________________________

MEMO 1/28/09

TO: Bev's Bod
FROM: Bev's Brain
RE: Have you forgotten something?

What about the tub of cookie dough in the fridge? The one you purchased for Danny's cookie swap? The one you keep sneaking spoonfuls out of?
_____________________________________________

MEMO 1/30/09

TO: Bev's Brain
FROM: Bev's Bod
RE: You suck

Eff it, I'm just gonna buy some Spanx. Beer I can give up, but cookies, well, cookies are a dealbreaker. And it's not like I eat them every day. I can stop anytime I want. Honest!

Evil hunks of demonic plastic

LS is 16 months old now and still uses his binky at night while sleeping, though we're trying to keep them out of his mouth during waking hours. Trouble is, he thinks it's hilarious to throw said binkies and say, "Uh oh!" at any opportunity. I'd waiger that we have at least 25 binkies lurking somewhere in the house. Finding those binkies is proving to be troublesome at best, absolutely maddening at worst.

He's also cutting all four of his his eye teeth right now. Wicked fun.

Yesterday he bit the one binky we could find clear in half. We searched high and low for another one, all for naught. "No binky!" We declared. Tonight, Babychild will sleep sans binky.

It did not go well. He was up at 3 AM, screaming. Jim went to soothe him, and we were all up and down until DH finally relented and got up with him at 4:30.

I've decided that these things are pure evil. I refuse to buy another one, EVER, so it looks like we're in for a couple more sleepless nights until he gets used to not having one. I think we'll go with some ibuprofin for the teething pain and go from there. Highly irritating - I am not someone who does well on minimal sleep. I actually do best on about 9 uninterupted hours/night, not that that has been possible for the past 5 years or so....

So, that's what's new in our neck o' the woods today. I'm tired.

Forget it, old people: No more TV for you!

Another funny from Spike Feresten's show. I guess I'm going to have to start DVR'ing that show again!!

This one cracks me up because it's soooo true. The older woman (she's 70) who I work with bored me for weeks talking about buying & installing her TV converter box for the digital transition next month. I, for one, am REALLY glad to have cable so I don't have to worry about that whole deal!

Anyway, check this out:


Hee!

Celebrities who I wish would just go away...

take a long walk off a short pier,
make like a tree and leave,
scram, skidaddle, and/or take a hike....

I feel like posting something light & fluffy today, since it's Friday, the sun is shining, and I'm in a GREAT mood. :-D The bossman will be out more than in today (he's got a lunch appointment and then he has to go pick up his brand new Lexus from the dealership, don'tchaknow), and I plan to watch Grey's Anatomy online since my DVR ate the recording for no good reason last night. I also hope to get a few pages written, if my muse shows up. That bitch has been tardy has hell lately, so we'll see.

Anyway, back to the fluff! In the course of my daily (ok, multiple times/daily) blog stalking, I seem to keep coming across stories about the same boring-ass celebs. I find that I am skipping blog entries about these dingbats on the regulah, so I thought that in and of itself was blog-worthy. Here goes:


Brangelina
They're both about as interesting as a hunk of boiled cauliflower. Additionally, sure, they're pretty people with lots of skilled workers dressing them, doing their hair, and slapping on make up (not to mention Photoshop help), but the result is that I have seen more realistic-looking wax figures.




Jennifer Aniston
Why is she interesting? Why should I feel sad that she can't seem to make a relationship stick? She's rich, famous, and gorgeous. Cry me a freakin' river! Although, Jen does get points for being in Office Space & not totally sucking. She even had one of my favorite lines: "I don't really like talking about my Flair."



Anyone from The Hills
I've never watched that shit, but these entitled twats make me want to hit something, or someone. Hard.







Paris Hilton
Duh. Is there anyone out there who really likes her? Maybe if we stop paying attention to her, she'll go away.








Kim Kardashian
Why is she famous again?!? Oh yeah, she's a spawn of Paris Hilton and is largely famous for having a big butt and a sex tape in which she (allegedly!) gets peed on. Yeah, you heard me. What an utter bimbo. Oh yeah, and her dad helped keep OJ out of jail (the first time). Not hot.




Lily Allen
Yeah, I liked that song she had way back when, but this chick has become annoying on a whole 'nother level. She's a hot mess with an opinion about everything, and she just comes across as petty and nasty. Also, she has a third nipple, which is just Freaksville, USA, population: HER! ;)


There are more, but I'm boring myself by talking about the idjits whose news bits I regularly ignore! Maybe next Friday I'll do a post on celebs I wish I knew/heard more about, like Anna Paquin, Zooey Deschanel, and Michael Cera!

So like us.

LMAO!

Thanks to Cary at List of the Day for this little gem.

Turn him on...

...and I swear he'll return the favor.
(Read: this is babymakin' music)

Every couple of weeks, when I'm feeling especially mellow and contemplative, I'll pull out (hot!) Scottish singer/songwriter Alexi Murdoch's CD "Time without Consequence." If I listen to it in the morning on the way to work, I'm so relaxed by the time I arrive that I'm practically in a trance. Which, as you can imagine since you've heard me talk about my work, is a good thing.

Favorite tunes are "All My Days," "Breathe," and "Dream about Flying."

Here he is at a record shop a couple of years ago performing "Breathe":



"Dream about Flying" has very cool lyrics, and I especially love:

"Five years old I climbed up on the wall
My mother warned me but I took no heed
Like all creatures great and small
I took a fall and found out I could bleed"

He's aptly been compared to the late Nick Drake. Check him out if that seems like your cup o' tea. My awesome & amazing brother-in-law introduced him to me, so I thought I'd do likewise for you. You're welcome. ;)

Artist website.

The boy is an artiste!

My 5-year-old's homework assignment tonight was to draw a picture of our new President. We were actually expecting even more of a Picasso-type image, so we were pleasantly surprised by his creation! He's a genius! Can't wait till he gets famous and starts supporting ol' mom and pop. :)

Just when we'd given up on Spike Feresten

We caught a few minutes of his show the other night and he had us rolling.

1/23/09 Edited to add: Thanks for letting me know that YouTube had pooped out on me AGAIN. When will I learn to go to Hulu first? Anyway, the clip's working now. Check it out!

THE SNOOGLY:



The Mancoon and the Napcap - LMGDAO!

Bored-d Bored-d Bored...

BORK BORK BORK!

I know, the Swedish Chef has nothing to do with me being bored today, but that's just one of the strange ways that my mind works, mkay?

Happy MLK day! Anyone else working? I am, if you can call it that. I finished returning the phone calls in exactly 20 minutes, did 2 transactions, and now I'm pretty much done with all of my work FOR THE DAY. It's 9:30 AM. Eeeeeesh.

But, I'm not complaining. I have decided that I am not going to complain about my craptastic job until the economy improves again. Now's no time to be out looking for new work, after all, so I'm going to do my best to be grateful for just being employed. No matter how soul-sucking my work is. No matter how annoying my coworkers are.

It's my way of giving back. That's me - just doin' my part. ;) I'm a regular humanitarian.

My weekend was good. I did very little. I watched a lot of True Blood (online, because HBO is a bunch of suckers who won't put that shit up on demand). It was alright, but not nearly as good as the books. I like Anna Paquin as Sookie a lot, but the rest of the characters bored me a bit. The books are ALL about Sookie, so the fact that the show has to focus on her brother, best friend, boss, etc., kind of bores me.

Today I'm just going to do my level best to ignore the crazy cat lady here at the office. She has already cornered me twice to talk about the snow and bird seed or some crap. I dunno - my eyes glaze over the minute she approaches my desk.

Ta ta for now, mes amies. I'm going to hunt down some more caffeine!

150 pages

I'm plugging along here on this writing project I've started. The wonderful creative rush I had last month has vanished, but I'm working on getting my mojo back. Today was a good day. Yesterday it was like pulling teeth to just get a paragraph out, but today was a good day.

Milestone: I've reached page 150!! Admittedly, it's not entirely sequential; it's kind of in three parts right now and not one of those parts is the end. Still lots of story to tell. Not sure how long it will be when it's done. I'm excited again, and I'm glad I was able to talk myself out of the weak moments I had last week!

We all just have to root for ourselves sometimes, right? :)

I hope you're all rooting for yourselves this week. It's freezing fricking cold just about everywhere, so bundle up and have a great night!!

Farg

I just realized that the first of two big family weddings is less than 1 month away! Yikes! I have so much to do before then.

* Lose 10 lbs. (huh... this might be tricky considering I already only eat twice/day with NO results. I might actually have to start exercising again. Ugh.)

* Darken & cut hair (my hairdresser moved... AGAIN... and now she's even further away and in an even less convenient place for me to get to. But I don't wanna find a new one!)

* Whiten teeth (it's been a few years and a few hundred cups of coffee since the last time I bothered)

* Find stunning and appropriate dress & shoes for myself

* Find neat and appropriate outfits for both boys

* Get DH new dress shoes to wear with his tux

Eesh. Looking presentable is really too much work.

TGI-Fruesday

I'm so glad I have the day off tomorrow. I feel like I'm behind in everything right now! LS is still sick, so I'm getting the royal bitch treatment from the daycare workers every morning (well, just that one nasty jackass I'm used to getting attitude from, but she has amped it up to "11" this week). I am glad that I can keep him home tomorrow, at least, so I don't have to miss yet another day of work. Poor buddy - this Hand-Foot-Mouth virus is icky.

Last week we forgot to do BS's homework, and I thought, "Oops, oh well, we'll just get back on track next week." So this morning when his teacher asked if we had it (4 days late?!) I was flabbergasted. At a loss, again. I just cannot keep up. Then there are the umpteen million "projects" the daycare always wants to do. "Today is bring a puzzle day!" or "Bring in a baby picture and a current picture by Thursday!" or "Bring in a can of beef broth for some crappy soup we're making as a special project" or "We're doing a new thing where the parents supply the snack for all the kids. It's your turn today!" GAH! They're killin' me!

What I wouldn't do to not have to deal with daycare. Seriously. Next year BS will be in public school, and I'm not sure where LS will go yet. I might keep him where he is, but considering that I'm not nuts about the room he's in or the room that's next after this, and considering how much I hate the nasty bully bitch who works there, well... we're playing it by ear.

Anyway, I just need a day (or a month) to catch up! My (clean) laundry is piled up like a mini Everest in my bedroom, and today I was scrounging for clean work pants... fun. Let's just hope LS makes it through this day without me getting the dreaded phone call....

Finally - The big NYE post!

And it only took me 7 days. (blushing)

Okay, so Mala assured me that I was "snapping pictures like a paparazzi" on New Year's Eve, but I didn't get nearly as many pics as I thought. Huh. Anywho, the ones I got are instant classics, IMO!

On a side note: For some reason our youngest kiddos weren't in any pics. The babies went to bed, so I get that, but where the eff is Beck?? I guess he was too busy eating Cream Puffs with Anne to have his picture taken? :)

Without further ado, here are the pics.

Hmmm... maybe if I tried, I could get another one of my chins in this shot:


LOBSTAH!!! How cool are we, having lobster on New Year's?


A. rockin' the drums


Try the wine!


Girls just wanna have fun:


Dirty girls:


M. channels Dee Snider!


The kids had Sparkling Cider, I swear! (total blackmail photo, huh?)
Oh, and I think you can see that my son gets his complexion from my side of the family. Casper the Ghost is actually my great-uncle.


I always try to get couple shots right around midnight, with varying results. These came out great, IMO, except for the host & hostess (ahem). Hey, it's my party and I'll get drunk if I want to!

J&R:


J&M:


A&A:


And after about 5 botched attempts at getting a couple shot of me & my honey the photog just gave up, so we're going with this:


And finally, R. the Giant!


A great time was had by all! We always enjoy our New Year's Eve gathering, but this year was particularly fun! Maybe it was Rock Band (no I can't sing, but did that stop me? Hell to the no!), maybe it was just a good blend of friends, or maybe it was all the booze? All I know is that we had a fabulous time! 2009 is off to a great start!

Vindicated!

The doctor called yesterday to tell me the rapid strep test was wrong! I DO/DID have Strep Throat! HA! Now I don't feel so bad for being such a baby last weekend when I thought I was dying.

DH, of course, never went to the doctor for his severe sore throat (which he then passed on to me), so now he has another flu-kind of cold and has been sweating through the sheets each night with fever. It's like sleeping next to a space heater! Now that the doc has confirmed my own self-diagnosis, DH has finally agreed to go get treated. Men!

The good news is that I am feeling much, much better. It's amazing how fast the antibiotics kick in. Just two more days of doses and I'll be right as rain.

Even better news? I have today off from work, and Hubby's school got canceled because of our icky weather! So far, the power's still on (praying it stays that way), so I'm a happy camper! I think we'll send the boys to the school for the morning, anyway. We need to clean this house, take naps, and maybe I'll even have time to do a little more writing in PEACE! Things are lookin' up!

Have a good one!

Angry blogging

Let me preface this post with the following caveat: I'm in a foul mood, and I dislike my work intensely. I also don't feel good, and it's my first day back after 5 days off. That being said, I don't think it would take much to push me off into the deep end right about now, so this particularly curmudgeonly client just reeeeeeally got under my skin.

Is there any phrase more infuriating than "you people?"

WTF does that mean? I hold a personal grudge against people who use that expression. I just had a client bitching to me about something my boss didn't do before going on his vacation (shocking, I know!) and he actually said, "This is costing me money because of you people."

Look, dickhead, I'm a pee-on. I answer his damn phone. When have I ever cost you money? "You people."

You just made the list, buddy!

I got nothin'.

I's sick, y'all.

I was massively lethargic on Thursday, but I chalked it up to being a trifle hung-over from the New Year's Eve festivities. Then, Friday, the sore throat kicked in, and now I'm in a world of pain. I think it must be Strep throat because I can't even swallow saliva (I'm so pretty!) and my glands are so swollen I look like a bullfrog. Oh, and then there's the fever.

So, you'll all have to wait patiently to see the scenes of revelry that went along with the 2008 Rockin' Eve party. It was certainly rockin', but I disapprove of starting this year off with antibiotics! BOO! However, this amount of pain (mass quantities of ibuprofin do nothing) merits PAIN MEDS, in my book. So there's that. By this afternoon I hope to be fully medicated and numb to all things painful. Assuming the nurse at DH-Manchester ever calls me BACK! Yeesh! I'm dyin' here!