TMI Thursday: Not-So-Sweet Nothings

Wow, it has been ages since I've dipped a toe into TMI territory!  I'm not sure why I feel inclined to go there today, but I do feel the need to talk about S-E-X and share a few of the moments that still make me cringe to this day.  Why?  Because why the hell not, that's why.  You love it.

Anyway, today's topic is unsexy things that have been said to you while in the throes of passion.  As always, I'll go first, and then I'd love to hear about some of yours in the comment section!

When I think about the most unsexy thing that anyone has ever said to me, I'm instantly transported back in time to October of my freshman year of college.  My HS boyfriend, who went to a different school 9 hours away, was visiting me for the first time since we'd parted ways at the end of August.  I'd gone to great lengths to get my roommate out of the room for the night, had visited Victoria's Secret for a silky lil' number to surprise him with, and had stocked up on some of his favorite snacks.  It was late Friday night when he arrived and we quickly fell into bed and got it on.  After, as I pondered whether Woolite would take stains out of silk we lay tangled on my twin bed under a wall-sized poster of the nearly-naked Red Hot Chili Peppers, we chatted about our new lives at our respective schools.

It was during this lazy, breezy talk that he slipped up and dropped a game changer:

HE CALLED ME "LISA."

I don't know if you've noticed, but that's not my name.  "Who the fuck is Lisa?" I demanded.  He stuttered and stammered and insisted that she was just a friend.  I fled the room and cried in the bathroom.  We eventually made up and finished out the weekend, but it nagged at me.  Nag, nag, nag, nag, nag.  Who is Lisa?  Why was he thinking of her while we were naked?  WTF?

We made it though the rest of the school year and then he broke up with me the second we got home for summer break after admitting that he had plans to go see Lisa that summer.  Yadda yadda yadda, now they're married with a couple of kids.  It's no biggie - we've both moved on and are even FB friends, and every now and then he pops by the OOBH.  Wouldn't surprise me if he was reading this right now.

No hard feelings.  It was a teaching moment for La Bev, and trust me when I tell you that I am SO GLAD that I didn't have a steady boyfriend for the next couple of years because I would have missed out on a lot of good times and new... experiences. *WINK*  So yes, the worst of my "Not-So-Sweet Nothings" said in bed is simply, "Lisa."

The second still makes me laugh when I think of it.  Quite simply, once upon a time I was showering with a new boyfriend.  He was washing my back and derriere and I was starting to get a little turned on when he suddenly blurted out, "Have you had this mole checked out?"

No, not that kind of mole.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

It's a good thing he was cute & I loved him!  I've killed men for less.*


So, there you have it, now it's your turn!  I'm turning the mic over to you and asking:

What's the most unsexy thing someone has ever said to you before/during/after sexy times?

*By "killed" I mean "spanked."