And we're baaaaaaaack (with an a-load of pics)

First of all, thanks to all of you for your kind thoughts and words. You've all been so nice, and it means a lot to me to know that you care! Secondly, I'm coping fine. I am sad, but functioning. I'm about ready to strangle my oldest child, but I think I might just drug him instead. Ha ha, just kidding. Sort of. He is driving me steadily insane, that much is true.

So, I'm gonna talk about something fun. I'm going to tell you all about the big Cake show we went to last Wednesday night. WOOOO! Holla! Ok, let me preface this by saying that we had a fan-fucking-tastic time... from what I remember. In the hotel room we drank at least two bottles of wine, maybe three (?).

EXHIBIT A:

Me gettin' dolled up.

Mala is totally checking out my rack.

Oh, how we laughed! La la laaaaa!

A three-pack of hotties (this was before Jill arrived).

Hot MILF action!!! AKA: Is that a camera in my pocket or am I just glad to see ya?
Then had two more of the crappiest screw-top bottles of wine EVER, with dinner. That's when things start getting fuzzy for The Bev.

EXHIBIT B:

GULP

I love you, maaaaaaan!

Let me clarify... I love you as a friend, maaaaan!

Celebrity mis-sighting of the night: Laurie kept staring at this dude who was eating behind us, saying he looked like the guy from Grounded for Life. Me, being the encyclopedia of worthless knowledge, pulled that dude's name from my ass with a dexterity that amazed even myself. Donal Logue! Of course! Doesn't everyone know his name? Heh. So, Faux-Donal came and had his picture taken with us, much to the chagrin of his seething Asian wife. WHOOPSIE. Piss-off of the night #1 (that we know of).


Apres din-din... looking a little sassier.
I have vague recollections of the show, and I remember getting super excited when a couple of my favorite songs came on (The Distance, Never There, Stick Shifts & Safety Belts, Short Skirt, Long Jacket, Frank Sinatra), but don't remember actually paying attention to the songs or ya know, listening. (BLUSH)




I do remember that I couldn't figure out how to work my gd camera, so I have a ton of 3 second video clips that were supposed to be pictures. *sigh* I maintain that it was wicked dahhhk in there, but... well, we all know it was alcohol-induced user error. The few video clips I did get are shakey as hell and pretty much un-watchable, and some feature Laurie singing LOUDLY right next to me, and me intoning, "Laaaaaaurrriiiiieeee" now and then. HA! Thankfully for us, but not for those around us, Laurie was snapping pics like nobody's business. Srsly, we got yelled at a few times. Piss Off of the night #2. In retrospect, I'm a little embarrassed... but whatever. We had fun. Those othah suckahs can... well, suck it!



I remember spending a fair amount of time texting another friend, and at intermission I went out to make a call and then things get really fuzzzzzzy. I remember Jill waited in line for a beer, and I somehow convinced her to give it to me. Why? I don't know. Not like I needed that shit! Then, I'm TOLD I went back to my seat, but next thing I remember is wandering around outside in the lobby with no clue where my friends went. Turns out they'd gone down to the stage and Laurie was working her magic on a security guard, trying to get us backstage. HAHAHAHAHA! Mala says Laurie was stroking his face and going all out. All I know is when I checked my texts the next day there were like 10 back and forths between me and Mala, all of them like this:

Me: where aaaaaah you guys?
Mala: near the stage. come down!
Me: wait? what?
Mala: we might get backstage. Come NOW!
Me: Who are you with? What?
Mala: Get your ASS DOWN HERE NOW!
Me: I LOVE THIS SONG!
Mala: BEVERONI, COME HERE NOW!
Me: (crickets)

They did not get backstage. Eventually I found my way back in and Mala found me standing against the back wall, staring at the band with a bemused expression on my face. Doo-dee-dooo... Bev's in LA LA LAND. Pandemonium continued, the band ended the show, and next thing I remember Mala and I were sitting under a street lamp waiting for Jill and Laurie. Don't know how long we sat there, or what we discussed (well, ok, I remember some of that, but that shit's private, yo!), but we did eventually get back to the hotel and reunited with our friends.



Cut to later: Laurie decides she needs pizza and goes to the lobby for some reason. And she runs into the band, who are also staying at the hotel. And she somehow gets the guitar player's freaking room phone number?! WTF? Conclusion: Laurie is magic. So she called him, I think, but things were all blurry and shit by then, so I don't think it went anywhere beyond a 5 min. convo. But, still. Gotta hand it to Laurie - when she gets it in her mind to do something, that shit gets D-O-N-E.

We went to sleep around 1ish, and I got the call at 5:15 AM that my dad was having a massive heart attack. This event will forever be known going forward as, "THE WORLD'S BIGGEST MOFO BUZZKILL." So, there's that.

BUT, the night was amazing. My friends crack me up and party like rockstars, and I'm so grateful to them for supporting me, laughing with me, and getting shitfuck wasted with me every now and then.

It happened.

I apologize; I won't be posting about the Cake show as I had planned. That'll have to wait till another day.

My father died this morning. He had a massive heart attack and decided not to go to any great extremes to live; he didn't want to be an invalid, and let's face it, he had terminal cancer, so, that's that. They gave him morphine for the pain and he passed away holding my mom's hand.

I'm numb and teary, but coping. We had a month to get used to the idea that he was dying, and most people don't even get that. I had a couple more wonderful days with him. There was nothing left unsaid. He is not in pain anymore, and he is not afraid of the torture of cancer treatment anymore, and now he is everywhere, just in a different form.

I am grieving over the fact that I can't see him anymore, and can't ask his advice or listen to his voice anymore. I miss him already. My heart is broken, but I will heal. He taught me how.


I love you, Daddy, and I always will.

As promised

I hope I didn't over-hype the tom-foolery, but here 'tis:



Bitches be all up on my behind, yo!

Hrmmm, I really need to clean up my image. You're all gonna think I'm some kind of wild girl who lets her friends grope her when she gets dru... ah, screw it. Even girls can't resist ALL THIS. Yeah. Uh huh.

HEE! Anyway. Here's another cute pic, while I'm at it. Totally forgot to post it last night due to a lingering buzz that reduced my typing to hunting & pecking Franken-fingers.

My kid's the one on the end with chocolate all over his face and a blissed out expression. I am awesome at parenting, clearly. As Laurie put it, the little guy went all "Lord of the Flies" by the end of the party. 'Cause that's how we do it, baby.

Tomorrow night's the big Cake show, and I promise to take lots of pics as usual, and to bore you with them on Thursday. This is my vow to you, loyal readers, and I take this kind of thing very seriously. *hiccup* Scout's honor.

I got yer Memorial Day right here!

AKA: I have a splitting headache and am in a grumpy mood. Boo.

Yesterday we went to a BBQ at my friend Sarah's house and had a great time. All of my girlfriends noticed that I've lost weight and told me how hot I am, so that made my day. They lie, but whatev; it's still nice to hear. Of course, that meant they all kept grabbing my ass all day, 'cause as I've mentioned, my friends are pervy like me, but that didn't bother me. I have a really funny pic to share with you, but it'll have to wait since I forgot to upload it and it's on my home computer. That is just how my day is going today!

Moving backwards, on Saturday we went to Vermont yet again. We picked up my dad at the hospital and brought him home, and on the way we stopped by my childhood homestead and I took a couple of pics. This is where I lived from the age of 4 till I was 12:

It breaks my heart -- the place is for sale now and nobody's taking care of it. It's going super cheap now, I think they've lowered the price to the low $300k area, which is nothing considering what an amazing home it is. It was built in 1832 as an inn/stagecoach stop. It has twelve (!) bedrooms, eight fireplaces, and a full unfinished attic. Also, there are two apartments, a garage, and it's on 4 acres, with the Connecticut River within walking distance from the back door. I just love everything about it, and would love to buy it... but I am not moving back to northern VT, yo. Forget it! Couldn't pay me enough. So, I just sigh and gaze at it sadly every time I see it.


My mom planted that Willow tree - it was just a little stalk for so long, and look at it now!


That's all I got. I'll post that pic I told you about later on -- it's a funny one! And I am mulling over taking Steph's suggestion and doing a vlog this week, but no promises. I might even try to convince Mala to get in on that action while we're doin' it up at the Cake show this Wednesday. So, you'd get a two-fer if she says yes! Woohoo!! Ok, mostly, I just have to prove to you naysayers that we don't sound like Bahston-ites. NTTAWWT!

I will leave you with a few random pics from yesterday. Enjoy.
My studly hubby:

Laurie's studly hubby:

Sarah, me, Laurie, and my finger:

LATAH!

Enjoying a Given Day

So, yesterday I spent the day in VT with my Dad, and it rocked. We laughed, we cried, it was better than Cats. I mean it, I saw Cats on Broadway and yesterday was totally better, and included less make-up and more ballads under the spotlight. What? That's just how we hang in my fam. So?

I got there about 20 minutes late because I inexplicably drove towards the wrong highway and found myself in bleeping Concord for no good reason. Mala, I think I really just wanted to hang with you, so my car steered itself in your direction. Bear in mind that there are only TWO highways heading north, and I drove 10 minutes out of my way to get on the wrong one. FML.

When I got there, I was fully ready to get my Farm Girl on. My parents have a couple of horses and make their own hay, and they used to be dairy farmers before I was born. Plus, it's Vermont, yo, so it's all rural and shit. I grew up there, but was never all that "into" it. My dad loves to tell people that I'm the farmer's daughter who once asked him if butter was a dairy product. Yeah, I rule! Anyway, I get there, and the blacksmiths are already working on the horses' hooves, and I'm cursing myself out for my little detour because I had meant to get there before they arrived. My whole purpose today was to help out Dad, because he had some fonked-up shit done to his brain yesterday in the form of a medieval torture device/screws in his skull/gamma knife thing. Yeah, no shit.

I go out to the ring and Dad's standing there with two total V-Monty characters, a man and a woman. She's all tough as shit and is filing down our big Quarterhorse's dinner plate-sized hoof, and I find out her name is Sloane, which does two things to me: 1. makes me wish I had a cool name like that, and 2. think of Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Meanwhile, Dad is standing there all casual-like, but he looks like Dr. Frankenstein just removed his bolts and he's wearing a little Tractor Supply hat perched on top of his humongous bandage/turban. HEE!!! I know it's wrong to laugh, but come ON! He looked really, really bizarre. Also, he looked like he'd been in a bar fight because his eyes were practically swollen shut. Wicked cool.

They're all talking, and the smithies ask Dad who his vet is. Dad can't remember (can't blame him - again, BRAIN work), so they start tossing out truck colors. As in, this vet drives a blue truck, that vet drives a red one. I'm barely containing my giggles at this point. I mean, for real? We can identify people by their trucks 'round these parts? Jebus. After a while, Dad sends me down to the lower pasture to wait for some chick who's supposed to buy some hay. I'm like, great, I get to load hay today. Suh-weeeet. So I go down there and sit in my car, and the whore never shows, but it turned out to be my MOMENT OF ZEN for the day:


The birds are singing. There is a babbling brook to my right. There's a farmer working a field just over yonder. I'm feeling VERY peaceful and very much at one with nature and the universe and all that nice stuff, and all is right with the world.... Good stuff. Side note: one thing that I love about Vermont is that everyone waves at each other when they pass in their cars. Everyone. It's so goddamn friendly, I can't stand it.

Later on, I helped Dad put in his air conditioners, and darn it if that guy wasn't swingin' a hammer and handling a drill like he hadn't spent yesterday in a hospital with metal screws holding a steel cage on his skull. He is amazing. We went out to lunch, and he even drove. There's something about bumping along in his big ol' Caddy (yeah, Dad always drives a Cadillac, always has, always will), talking to him like nothing is wrong, that puts the happy back into my soul. We've always had very deep philosophical discussions, and some of our best talks have been in the car. In Vermont, it takes a while to get just about anywhere, so we spend a lot of time driving along, shooting the shit, laughing, and talking about life.

After lunch we went grocery shopping and I chuckled at what a little old man he has become. I also realize that I'm totally not as frugal as I pride myself on being; if I want something and it's not on sale, I buy that fucker anyway. Dad? No way! However, he bought my mom a dozen roses... just because. *sigh*

On the way home we took a detour and he showed me his friend's dairy farm. He spends a lot of time there, helping out, because he just enjoys that type of work. First of all, I have to say that I have seen the Rocky Mtns (magnificent), and I have seen the Swiss Alps (stunning), but there is just something about the gently rolling green hills and valleys of the Northeast Kingdom that inspires awe in me like no other place. Maybe because it's home.

The dairy farm was cool. I don't think I've set foot in a working barn in about 20 years, to be honest, and it was nice to see it all again, even if it does totally gross me out on many levels. And, I don't like that I got cow poop on my favorite sneaks, but I can deal with that. It was cool, and I love a good slice of life. Also, I'm a sucker for accents, and I totally DIG the Vermont accent. It's not like southern NH (which is sort of like Bahston, but not quite), and it's certainly not like Maine, which is just totally effed up. It's just this way of speaking that makes 1 syllable words into 3 syllable masterpieces of sound, and it is so down-home and so comfortable; well, I just dig it. Example: the word "cow," is pronounced, by the thick-accented natives, as "key-ow-a." Rock the fuck on! Dad gets a kick out of "harrow," which they pronounce, "herw." FYI - we don't really have accents; we're from New York/New Jersey originally.

Ok, I'm babbling. Suffice to say that it was a lovely day, and having a chance to spend time 1:1 with my father is something I'd never trade for anything. He is one of my favorite people on the planet, and he always will be.

Alliteration be damned!

I know it's not Thankful Thursday, but I'm feeling thankful today, so suck it. :) I say that in the nicest way possible, like when I jokingly tell someone to "shut the fuck up." I hate it when they think I'm being serious. Especially my boss. Kidding, kidding! I never say it loudly enough for him to hear me.

Anyway!

I would like to send out a big THANK YOU to the nice man who flashed his lights at me this morning so I would know to slow down because there was a cop behind him. YAY, for random acts of kindness! You see, my street is hilly and windy and the speed limit is 30 MPH, which is pretty near impossible to maintain without riding the brake the whole time. 40 MPH is pretty comfortable, and that's just coasting! So, I've been pulled over twice since we've lived at this house (almost 8 years, so it's not like I'm a total speed demon), and one time I got the mutha of all speeding tickets for going about 52 mph. Ooops. Whatever, I had a pizza in the car and I was hungry, Occifer, so screw off. Ok, I didn't say that to him, but I definitely thought it.

I even have a stupid radar detector now, thanks to my FIL who loooooves gadgets. It has saved my ass a few times, I'll admit it. The last time I got pulled over it was about a week after I got that ticket, and the cop let me off... I'm pretty sure because I was wearing a low-cut top and I cried a little. STFU, I'm not too proud. Tickets suck!

Getting pulled over this morning would have totally ruined my day, so I just want to throw the THANKS out into the universe and I hope that the guy in the red jeep has a fantastic day and maybe even gets laid or something. GO, DUDE! You've earned it.

What else? I'm also thankful because I'm back into my "skinny jeans," but don't get too impressed because those still aren't tiny; it's not like I'm gushing over being a size 6. HA, no. But, when I got on the scale for my daily slap in the face (yes, I do it daily, don't judge... if I don't I find myself struggling to button my pants by the end of the week, for reals), I was hoping to see 1_9, but instead I saw 1_4. That middle digit is private, so don't be nosey. :) In fact, I was so convinced that my scale had broken that I made my kid get on it, too, and it was actually accurate. Huh. So, today is a good day, and all of my pants are too big, and I'll fucking TAKE IT. Thank you.

In closing, I will leave you with one of my favorite sketches from the now-defunct Canadian comedy troupe, The Kids In The Hall. It's amazing, they've been gone for over a decade, but I still find myself quoting them all. the. time. From this clip, I have been known to throw out my favorite line, "You just blew my mind!" and Jim will respond with, "Our minds have been blown!"


"He's really light, too!"

Goodbye

Warning: This post may be a downer for some. Skip it if you want; I won't be offended.



My last living grandparent passed away today at the age of 93. Here I am at my college graduation with my two grandmothers. Grandma S. (above right) died two years ago, after living with dementia for the past five years or so. She lived independently well into her late 80's, and I loved that woman silly. Grandma C. (above left)) was as mean as a wet cat and maintained her faculties until about six months ago, when she went crazy like someone switched an "off" switch in her brain. Maybe someone did. She never recovered her senses. She'd been ill for a long time; bedridden, blind, bad heart, diabetes... you name it, but she was always a razor sharp lady, right up until recently.

In short, we've been expecting her to die for a long time, and nobody was particularly sad because she was old and ill and wanted to die. She was mean to just about everyone in her life, but she was always nice to me and my sister. I don't know why, maybe it's because we lived 8 hours away from her and only saw her a couple of times a year. At any rate, we got off easy. Plus, she liked me a lot because I was into theatre, and that was her thing in college and later with my grandfather in community theatre.

She lived to be 93 years old; she saw my whole childhood, my Jr. High, High School and college graduations, my bridal shower, my wedding, my children born. That's a pretty good fucking run, I'd say. Ninety-three is a good long life.

Seventy is not long enough.

Since I've been listening to a lot of Cake recently, this song has been speaking to me:

"End Of The Movie"

People you love
Will turn their backs on you
You'll lose your hair
Your teeth
Your knife will fall out of its sheath
But you still don't like to leave before the end of the movie
People you hate will get their hooks into you
They'll pull you down
You'll frown
They'll tar you and drag you through town
But you still don't like to leave before the end of the movie
No you still don't like to leave before the end of the show


Sure, life sucks sometimes, and bad shit happens, but you still don't want to die before your story is done. Right on.

I'm so sad that my children won't have a picture like this that includes my dad. I'm so sad that my dad is being ushered out of the movie when it's clearly not finished yet. I'm so sad, and I'm getting really pissed off.

Rest in peace, Grandma. This quote's for you:

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts

From As You Like It, by Wm. Shakespeare. Incidentally, that was the very first production I was ever a part of, at the tender age of 14, and I didn't have any lines at all.

Just because I can.

Friday night blogging action, yo! I'm kickin' it at home, drinking a lovely glass of cab, reading a chapter or two of my book, and scoping out the gossip sites I somehow managed to fall behind on during the work week. Happy Gilmore is on, which isn't one of my favorites, but I won't kick it out of bed, either. So I'm on Perez Hilton and what do I find? Only the best piece of media I've seen all week!

A few of my favorite things, all wrapped into one 4 minute clip.... Weezer covering MGMT's "Kids," (love that song, don't know why... just do) AND busting out some mad GaGa halfway through for no good reason!

Fuckin' A, man! Yes, and yes. Oh, and HELL yes. Bring. It.


DAMN, I wish I'd been at that show. Weezer freakin' rocks. They're good musicians, they're funny & quirky, they are self-deprecating, they appreciate all musical genres, and they totally rock it out in concert. And that's not just the glass of wine talkin'.

PS) I would also like to thank whomever shot this little ditty for our viewing pleasure. Next time you all make fun of me for being the "stalkerazzi" at shows, just remember that without us camera-wielding dingbats, YouTube would not exist.

So suck it.



Goodnight, sleep tight, and get lucky.
That is all.

Oops

Looks like I might've dumped the whole contents of my brain yesterday, so now I've got nuthin' for today. I shot my wad, if you will. So I'm going to be uber-lazy and throw up this little gem that Harmony sent me today. Btw, doesn't Harmony rock the hizzouse? I can see you all nodding your little heads and saying, "Why yes, Bev, she certainly does rock the hizzouse."

Good readers. **pat**pat**

Without further ado, I give you the Robin Sparkles hit "Let's go to the Mall:"


It's no "Sandcastles in the Sand," but it'll do, and brain hurts when try think good today. Wait, what? Did I just have a tiny stroke? Eh, whatever. Have a good night, everyone. Tomorrow is another day!

Brain dump

I am feeling very goofy and very random today, which will either mean that this post will end up funny or bizarre or a little bit of both. I'm just gonna download the contents of my brain for you to make fun of, 'cause that's how I roll. Speaking of that - I'm so over that expression, but I can't seem to drop it and I can't seem to replace it yet. Highly annoying.

Ok, in no particular order, here are today's random musings:
(that one was for my friend MOFM... b/c I know she just loves that word!)

I've lost 10 lbs since I found out my dad has cancer. Woo-hooo...? Turns out it was easy to do; all you have to do is stop eating. Who fucking knew? Not me! 6 small meals a day? Eff that! All I did was give up a few luxuries like breakfast, snacks, and desserts, and what do you know? Sure, I'm hungry all the damn time, but I've kind of gotten used to it. Even more strange? I kind of like it. I wonder if this is how skinny people feel?

Yes, I know my metabolism will crash and burn eventually, so save your comments! I will resume my usual feeding schedule at some point when food becomes more appealing again. Except for snacks and desserts, because apparently once you hit your mid-30's you just can't have those every day. Again, who knew? I never get too skinny; for one thing, I'm just not put together that way. I'm built for comfort, not speed, baby! For another, my man likes my curves and might not be as "warm for my form" if I lost 'em all.

Funny thing about that. Jim's family is very weight-conscious, which is just a trifle annoying when you're, ya know, making babies and watching the scale go up, down and all around every couple of years in order to do so. His mom is one of these very pretty, very skinny, very popular girls. I actually love her, and how often do you hear someone say they love their MIL? Anyway, she's always dieting & only eats like once a day. His dad is always onto some new fad diet or exercise program (currently it's yoga... so he's always pulling out downward-freaking-dog in the weirdest places... it's all kinds of wrong). Anyway, he struggles with his weight quite a bit, but is the first one to notice if you put some on or take some off. Jim and his brothers are all very tall and well-built guys, and maintaining their weight isn't an issue for any of them, the bastards. What's intesting is that all three brothers picked girls who are not super-skinny stick figures. Not that we're fat, but we all definitely have curves. Actually, I think the common theme among us is big boobs, now that I think about it.

Next subject! The new Sookie Stackhouse novel is just ok. I'm not lovin' it. I haven't had much time to read lately, so maybe I'm just in a funk? But so far, it's a little dull, and there isn't nearly enough sex. Boo.

What else? Hmmmm.

I didn't make plans for this weekend, which is a little unusual. I really need to get my house under control. Working and being away so much lately have really taken a toll on my already sucky housekeeping skillz. We have 4 ft. clean laundry piles in the bedroom. At least it's clean, but rooting around up to my elbows looking for matching socks every morning is really getting OLD. I always keep the kitchen and living areas clean, because, I mean - I'm not a total pig, but the upstairs is a wreck. So, that's my plan for the weekend. Try not to be too jealous of my exciting life, ok?

Lastly, I'll leave you with a little video that's been on my mind a lot lately. I remember when it first came out, I was driving in my car and I was so taken by the words that I had to immediately rush home to try to find it online. It just strikes a chord with me, because it's pretty much exactly how I feel about aging, and you all know how much a pasty chick like me needs sunscreen. :)


And that's that. Oh, one last thing. Does anyone ever catch the Ellen Degeneres show? It's on here at the office, and I mostly tune it out, but there's this one segment that KILLS me every time they do it. They give random people in the audience microphones and put on a popular song, then they play it back with just one person's mic on so all you hear is them warbling along, not knowing all the words and stuff. I just about cry with laughter every time I see it. I'd find an example of it online for you, but I'm too effing hungry, so you'll just have to take my word on it that it's hysterical. Latah!

From the Vault

More proof that I've always been a tough bitch.


I don't remember having this picture taken, but apparently I was being a total brat about not being in the photo. My sister obviously had some kind of big event to go to, hence the Little House on the Prairie ensemble, but I just wanted to get my mug in there... just because. They finally relented and this is the result.

Oh, and that was my favorite outfit, that much I do know. Well, that, and I could sure rock a plastic headband! So what if it makes my ears stick out in a painful-looking manner? It's ferosh!

PS) That white stuff on the bottom is shmutz on my scanner. I am too lazy to clean it off and scan it again, so it stays. *shrug*

A Clone Trooper, family, and one giant cock

AKA: My weekend rocked, y'all!

Mornin', everyone! Hope you all had a lovely weekend and Mother's Day. My weekend was one of the better ones I've had in quite a while. On Saturday we went to Vermont to hang with my parents and my sister and her family, who drove up from Maryland. We had a really nice day, despite the manual labor my parents insisted upon. They're cleaning out a bunch of crap for the inevitable gigantic downer our family is anticipating... the one I am not talking about, remember?

So, we worked hard for a good portion of the day, then settled down and had some really good laughs for the rest of it. I took a lot of photos, but won't bore you with too many of those. For now, here is my dad with my son and the coolest b-day present ever received, from my sister:

and in honor of Mother's Day, my sister, my mom, and me:


On Sunday we went to a local amusement park with Mala & family, and we just had the best day ever. Everything was beautiful and fun, and everyone got along, as usual. My youngest son continues to amaze me by being the coolest, most chilled-out toddler I've ever seen. He hung in his stroller for most of the day, just taking it all in, then ran around giggling and charming people for a while. We all rode the rides, ate cotton candy, and laughed for 7 straight hours.
Here we are on the flying swings:


Kiddie rides (is my oldest so cute, helping his brother, or what?!) and impending sugar-high:


At one point all of the adults stopped for a Starbucks and holy hell! I think Mala's and mine were laced with some crack or something because boy did we get silly afterwards. Granted, I don't drink a lot of caffeine, so maybe that was it, but all I know is that I've taken plenty of real drugs (don't judge!) in my life that didn't make me as nuts-o as one small cup of super-strength SBX!

And then... while hopped up on caffeine and euphoric from being spun around on so many rides... we spotted it.



Wait for it...



Here it comes...




It's a giant cock!

Holy shit, I haven't laughed so hard in ages. Mala and I just goofed around on that thing and thoroughly embarrassed ourselves (and she has a picture of my ridiculous blush to prove it... even my ears are pink). Once again, we proved that we may have to get older, but we can be immature forever, baby! Jeez, we have a good time together!

At first, Mala didn't seem to know what to do with a cock that big. Thankfully, I was able to help her out a little bit:

Then came the stroking of the cock:

and finally, the teasing of the cock:


Good fucking times. Of course, afterward, we had to do the ol' walk of shame past all the people who'd been laughing at us in the line, but whatev. Life's too short to give a crap about what strangers think, right? Right.

To caption an embarrassing pic of me, head on over to Mala's blog. I'm sure she'll be sharing some more unflattering but funny pictures from our day over there as well.

Have a good one, everyone!

Friday I'm in love

Well, hello there. You all look especially chipper and well-groomed today, I must say. What? You didn't realize that I can see you? Ha. Well, I can, and Frank, that's disgusting! Stop that.

Anywhoooo. It's FRIDAY! YAAAAAAAY! It should be a good day. It's sunny and warm, and the office is mostly empty b/c a lot of the advisors went to Boston for a conference, so I brought my book and hope to sneak in a chapter or two during my two-hour lunch break. Don't judge me! I'm all caught up, folks, and once the work gets did where does that leave me? Chillaxin', that's where.

I'm all a'twitter because last night I found out that two more of my favorite bands are coming to the area this month. Two bands I've been listening to for years and have never seen live. Two bands... playing within a week of each other... both on fucking WEDNESDAY nights. What the damn?!?! I know they appeal to college kids too, but don't they realize us 30-somethings with jobs and kids ALSO like live music? Son of a monkey.

So, I did what any good fan would do; I got a little drunk and begged my husband to help me make at least one of the shows happen. (blush) Actually, it wasn't that hard to do because Jim is actually a very cool guy (not even sucking up b/c he doesn't read my damn blog anyhow) and also loves music, so he was pretty amenable to my proposal. You see, in order for me to stay overnight mid-week, he has to be late to work, which is a huge PITA for teachers. But, he said he would, so YAY. Next step, securing my go-to concert buddy (Mala, duh), and she was exactly as hard to convince as Jim had been. That is to say, she said yes.

Later that night I got some sad-rabbit text messages from Laurie, who was feeling all "jelly" of our concert plans. Girl relationships are so freaking complicated, yo. Just when I think I've got it all figured out, back to the drawing board! So, this show might just end up being a group thang because I have a feeling that Laurie will be a super fun chick to see a show with! Next, I'm gonna try to convince the Jillinator to come too, but she's got like, a serious job and shit. Ugh. What up with that?!

Choosing between the bands was tough. The Shins are playing at the Orpheum in Boston, which is a fun place to see a show and there's actually nightlife afterwards since, well, it's Boston. Cake is playing in Lowell, which is a nice enough little town with very little going on afterwards, as Mala and I discovered when we saw Weezer there. Seriously, there was an IRS convention in the hotel and that was as wild as it got. I got your 1099 right here, baby! WOOT!

*ahem* Anyway. I let Mala decide and she chose Cake, and I'm actually really glad because I just love them and they rarely seem to get to the East coast. Plus, I plan to dance my mofo ass off. For reals.

You all know a Cake song and probably don't even know it. They've been around for quite a while, after all, and have a pretty unique sound. Ever watch the show Chuck? The opening song is Cake. Some of their songs include "The Distance," "Never There," "Love You Madly" (my cell ringtone!), an awesome cover of "I Will Survive," and perhaps their most recognizable tune, "Short Skirt/Long Jacket."

Here's a little video that I lovelovelove. I used to have it on my Myspace back when I actually went to that site. It's so funny - they interview a bunch of random people who are hearing Short Skirt/Long Jacket for the first time, getting their reactions:


Who else kind of wants to punch the beatnik "philosopher" dude in the face? Raise your hands... the line forms behind me!

So, that's what's happening in my neck of the woods. Tomorrow we're going to spend the day with my parents in Vermont. My sister and her family are coming up from Maryland, too, so it should be a nice enough day. I hope. No big plans for Mother's Day, aside from sleeping in. Hope you all have a fantastic Friday!

It's Thankful Thursday! (updated)

Steph suggested that it would be a good idea to make Thursdays all grateful and stuff, so I'm following her lead and doing exactly that. This will likely be one of those "random thoughts" kinds of posts, too, because my little brain is all over the place this morning! So, here goes:

I'm thankful for:

Red wine. Because I just fucking love it, that's why. It also gets me tipsy, which is a huge bonus.





My easy job.
Though, I nap under the desk, not on it. ;-)
Oh, shut up! It was just that one time!





My friends. Because they're all NUTS in a very good way, and all seem to have the same sick & twisted sense of humor that I have. Also? They're pervs, and I like pervs.



That's it for now, because I need to go easy if I'm gonna be thankful every Thursday! I might post again later if I'm so inspired. I might not. Who knows what the day will bring? God knows I don't, but I do know I'll be drinking a glass (or 3) of wine later, talking to a friend (or 3), and slacking off at work for at least an hour (or 3). Because today is a day that ends in Y, that's why.

OH, and I'm editing this bad boy because I just found something else to be thankful for. THIS clip & the accompanying description over on Dlisted just made me giggle like a schoolgirl seeing her first wang. Click it... CLICK IT. CLICK.

Why are you still here and not CLICKING IT?

Happy Stinko de Mayo!

AKA: Drink up, bitches!

This is one of my favorite pics, taken by the lovely and talented Mala. I look a mess - we had just ridden horses over the Hollywood hills into Pasadena, after all, but these margs were so worth it. Of course, I had a little trouble getting back on the ol' horse after (yes, I needed a boost, so? That horse was tall!), but that was a minor detail. Also, this pic makes it look like I have man-hands, which I assure you, I do not.

Hola! Hope everyone is having a lovely Tuesday morning. It is gray and rainy here, but it's all good because I'm stuck at work anyway! In honor of Cinco de Mayo, we're having fajitas for dinner tonight, and that is the extent of our celebration. Well, I might wear my sombrero, but that's not unusual. That's just a Tuesday night at casa de Bev, yo!

I don't have much to report today, so I am gonna show you a little video that makes me giggle and squirm all at the same time. Some of you may remember this song from the 90's, but maybe it'll be new to some of you. Who knows? Somebody made me think of the song yesterday (you know who you are!) and it has been stuck in my head ever since! So now, I will share the wealth with all of you. Enjoy. (muaahahaaha!)


Was it good for you, too?

Really quickly, because I don't want to dwell.

Here's what's up with me, behind the scenes:

My dad is dying. He has stage 4 NSC lung cancer and a very weak heart. Everything's uncertain; we have no idea how many days/weeks/months we will have with him, or what his quality of life will be. I'm trying to stay positive, see him as often as possible, and accept this process as being part of nature.

But, I'm really, really, really, really sad. I'm choosing to keep things as normal as I can for myself and my family. I will probably not talk about this too much on the blog, because I like keeping this a "happy place."

I'm also pissed, because after a lifetime of being spectacularly un-psychic, my first accurate premonition had to be about something this awful. :(

BUT, back to the happy thoughts. Here are some things that are going to pull me through this week:

The next installment of the Sookie Stackhouse novels comes out tomorrow. We only get one new book per year, people! Sadly, I devour these books so fast that this will likely only bring me a day or two of diversion, but I'll try my best to milk it for the whole week. I know they're mindless, I know they're fluff... but both of those seem like REALLY good things for me this week.

Television. Tonight there's a new How I Met Your Mother (shut up, I love that show), new LOST on Wednesday, and of course, The Office & 30 Rock on Thursday. Also, Alan Alda is guest starring on 30 Rock this week. Sweeeeeet.

Music. This morning it was The Beatles (skipping Let It Be, Eleanor Rigby, and In My Life... for obvious reasons). Yesterday, Beck and The Dead. Cake. Zeppelin. Modest Mouse for when I'm feeling spacey and offbeat; of course, my favorite album of theirs is The Moon & Antarctica, but really Good News for People Who Love Bad News would be more appropriate. Tom Petty, for when I just want to sing along. I have a prescription for every mood this week, but I will not wallow in sad stuff. Even Alexi got the boot this week; too solemn.

My kids. Because it's impossible not to smile when I watch them chase each other around and giggle. Because the little guy's hair is getting all long and blond and I don't want to cut it, but don't want to let it get all Ryder Robinson, either.

Arrested Development on Hulu. Just... yes.

Work. Yes, I hate my job and my coworkers are being their usual phony selves with the alleged-sympathy and pitying looks, but at least it's keeping me occupied.

Wednesday. My day off, and a day to hang with a friend and laugh, shop... act normal. This week I am thinking I need a massage!

All of you. No pressure! But, I do enjoy keeping up with my peeps on your blogs, my blog, FB, email, HL, and elsewhere. Seriously, you make me laugh and think about stuff that doesn't involve doom & gloom. Thank you.

Are Sundays fabulous? Absolutely!

Did anyone ever watch Absolutely Fabulous? I loved that show. I was thinking about this particular scene the other day and thought I'd share it here. For better or for worse, this scene reminds me of a lot of good friends I've had throughout my life, both past and present! I wonder if I have a problem...? Eh, fuck it. Where'd I put that corkscrew?

Here are Patsy and Edina going wine-tasting:


In related news, I really, really, really want to go to wine country in California, but I think they frown upon bringing small children to wine tastings....

Saturday: it doesn't matter day!

Today's post is brought to you by Steve Martin!

Why? Because I just like him, that's why, and around these parts Saturday is "it doesn't matter," day! My oldest is currently parked next to me on the couch, and he's not wearing pants. No way, Jose. Because it doesn't matter!

It has been a nice quiet day with very little contact with the outside world. After the week we had, I just wanted to hide out and put any deep thoughts on hold. My brain actually felt tired last night! I'm feeling a bit more centered now after sleeping in this morning, then watching the boys do yard work, play and cloud-watch:





Tonight we may try to finish Slumdog Millionaire. We started it last night but I was just too worn out to finish it, or fully appreciate it, I think. So, we'll give it another go tonight. OR, maybe we'll end up watching a silly comedy I've seen a dozen times... that's probably more my speed right now. ;) Anywho, hope everyone is having a pleasant day and enjoying their loved ones.


Smell ya' later!