How quickly it can all go sour

I was in a great mood this morning. It's Friday, I slept in a bit, the birds are singing and all that good shit. Then I got to work.

Ugh. I know I said I wouldn't complain about my craptastic office space existence anymore, and I really meant it... bit fuck it, I give up! If I can't bitch about my ridiculous coworkers and their ridiculous issues than what's the point of having a blog?

Anywho. Here's a recap:

Nasty Bitch Nancy (NBN) ~ This woman is just not happy unless she is complaining about something. She recently took a couple of exams so now she feels like she's Queen of the Fucking Galaxy, when in reality she's still just a glorified assistant like the rest of us. She is outwardly nice to people most of the time, but don't be fooled - she loves to backstab and bitch about you when you're not around. Trust.

Incidentally, the copy machine seems to be on the same menstrual cycle as NBN, because it seems to act up whenever she's in the bitchiest mood. Or, we all just deal with the fact that it sometimes sucks in more than one piece of paper at a time (because it's a freaking COPY MACHINE and they do that!), whereas she finds it necessary to shout wildy and exclaim, "I hate this thing! Can't we (and by we, she means ME) do something about this damn machine?!"

Crazy Ass Janet (CAJ) ~ Those of you who know me know that CAJ is my own personal demon. She is 70 years old, drives 90 minutes ONE WAY to work a 5 hour shift, and never, ever, ever shuts the fuck up. She remembers every compliment that anyone has ever paid her EVER, and regales me with them at any opportunity. I've been here for 5 years and I still haven't quite figured out what she does, except be an enormous pain in my ass. She sits 4 ft. away from me and talks to the back of my head while I dutifully ignore her.

It's not in my nature to ignore people, and it's not in my nature to be openly rude to people. I'm kind of a friendly gal, if I do say so myself. But this job has beaten the friendly right out of me. If I speak too much or even make EYE contact with CAJ, she will talk non-stop for the next 2 hours. About knitting, or her cats, or she will list every freaking thing she ate from Friday till Sunday and how she prepared it. Oh, and she once made something called "Hot Dog Pie" and made me eat it. She sucks.

There are many more characters in this motley crew, but I will stop here because I'm getting all blotchy and aggitated just thinking about them. But, I'm done holding it in. These people are sucking my soul out of my eyeballs on a daily basis and I need to vent. So suck it.

Awesome!

I've been waiting and waiting for Hulu to get this video clip from How I Met Your Mother online, and they finally put up a little clip of it! This is a section of Barney Stinson's video resume, and Jim and I nearly peed our pants when we saw it a couple of weeks ago! I totally want one:



I love me some Neil Patrick Harris! I swear, NPH and Alec Baldwin are the funniest dudes on TV right now. Hmm, that reminds me - I think I know which celebs are going to be joining my Wii Mii family when I get home later.... :)

Am I the only one?

Who creates Wii Mii's that look like celebrities? We currently have Jerry Garcia and Robert Pattinson on our Wii, just in case I feel like jogging on the Fit with RPattz. What can I say? I get a kick out of seeing Jerry cheering us on when we're bowling or walking the tight rope. RPattz looks a little something like this, but I think I did an even better job capturing his rogueish smirk on the Mii design:


Other people do this, right?

No? Just me? Okay then.

Carry on.

A buncha stuff... just me babbling, really

What's happenin', hot stuff?

I'm just relaxing on what remains of my day off. I had a great day - DH's on school vacation this week so I got to sleep in till 7:45 this morning. Woohoo! Got up, drank coffee, did laundry, and played with the boys for a bit, then brought LS to daycare and had a big kid date with BS.

We went to see Coraline in 3D. It was awesome, and very, very creepy. BS amazes me because be never seems to get afraid of scary stuff; I was kind of cowering a couple of times, but he was enraptured the whole time. It's also a cool message - "be careful what you wish for." Basically, kids, your parents may be boring, but at least they're not scary witch creatures who try to eat your soul, so be grateful! Yay!

Now I'm home and DH has taken BS to the dentist, so I'm just chillin', folding laundry, listening to music, watching Grosse Pointe Blank on TV, AND blogging. Look at me multitask! I've got some fun activities coming up that I'm looking forward to, and life is good!

Lessee... in other news. I haven't been writing much, but I have been reading like a fiend. I am convinced that reading is as good as writing; I honestly think it puts my mind in the right place and helps me establish my own voice and style. Or, maybe that's just what I tell myself to justify gobbling up books like they're made out of candy and leaving my own novel half finished. Dunno.

At any rate, it is my habit to go to author's websites when I find one whose work I admire. Almost all of them have tips for aspiring writers, and they all say: if you want to write, READ!

So, I'm taking their advice, and am currently devouring the Outlander series. Damn, this woman can write. She is both prolific and, at times, overly verbose. I found myself thinking in a Scottish accent this week; I became so enmeshed in her language and world that I felt like my brain was in the book. Wow. Her work can be a little too descriptive at times, and I find myself skimming certain sections since there is really only so much detail one can use when describing something like a garden, right? But, her style is fantastic - she manages to create these believable and realistic characters that you feel like you know intimately, she has a massive and impressive vocabulary, and her stark intelligence is just palpable. On her website, http://www.its.caltech.edu/~gatti/gabaldon/ , she says some things that stick in my memory and spur me on more than any of the other "reach for the stars" stuff I've read on other author's websites. I'll paraphrase, because I'm lazy and have provided the link above so you can go read it yourself if you're so inclined. Basically, she says the idea is the easy part, the writing is the hard part. And you won't know if you can do it until you try. And the more you try, the better you'll get. And the hardest part isn't starting, it's keeping it going.

I think she's my new hero, which is why I had no qualms about ordering the rest of the Outlander series from Amazon just now, and why I look forward to every historical, romantic, overly-descriptive word and sentence that she has sent forth into the world for us to read. And yes, Jill, you can borrow them when I'm done. ;)

Stop the presses!

Today, my friends & neighbors, a minor miracle occured. You see, after nearly a full year of sitting on my tush, today I went back to the gym. I'll wait while you all pick your jaws up off of the floor and put your eyes back in your sockets.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~Doo-dee-doo-dee-dooo~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ok, still with me?

Well, then, let me just tell you - it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be! I'm sure I'll be feeling it tomorrow, but today I had no trouble hopping on the ol' elliptical trainer and doing 40 minutes! I burned 350 calories and went over 3 miles. I enjoyed the new cheesy music I'd downloaded for the occasion. Lady GaGa, I salute you for your infectious club groove, and Britney, baby, I am glad I never gave up on you. Nothing gets my ass moving like a little Mama Spears! Also, Kanye, you're still a dink, but for your awesome song "Stronger," you get a small Bev-pass. Just this once.

I was glad that nothing at all had changed at the gym during my little workout hiatus. I also remembered another gym perk - all the trashy gossip mags a girl could want, all for free! Yes, they're kind of gummed up and wrinkly, but who gives a crap? Not me!

The best part was that when I left I was truly, utterly proud of myself in a way that I haven't been in quite some time. Maybe it was that elusive "runner's high" that the fit people talk about, but I was downright giddy as I drove home. In fact, I can't wait to do it again!

In honor of my restored gym regimen, I'm posting a lovely picture of Jane Fonda's original workout video. I remember doing this video with my mom when I was a kid. She'd put up the doggy gates and put on her spandex and sweatband (hawt!), and before you can say "thigh dimples" we'd be huffing and puffing on the floor of the living room, scowling at Jane's perfectly sculpted ass. Ah, mem'ries.

Bad kitty! BAD!

Yesterday when I opened the car to load up the kidlets for school, the cat greeted us. Apparently the night before when we'd been unloading groceries he had jumped in and gotten himself trapped overnight.

I said a little prayer that he hadn't had to relieve himself all night and went about the morning's business.

Later that day, when I opened my car door after work, I realized that he HAD relieved himself in the car. And how! The unmistakable stench of cat pee smacked me in the face and I immediately crumbled. My day was ruined! There is no smell in this world that I hate more than cat pee, and now my freaking CAR smelled like a traveling litter box! Curse that mangey animal! Curse him!

For those who don't know, this cat & I aren't exactly on the best of terms. He's the dumbest animal I've EVER known, for starters, and he has this long hair that gets everywhere and requires actual maintenance on my part (we shave him once a year to relieve his "natty dreads"), and he has mutant extra claws that he uses on everything and everyone. He has never seen an open door that he doesn't want to go through, so he gets trapped a lot because you never SEE him go in. Oh, and if his litter box is too dirty for his liking, he craps right on the rug outside the box. He pretty much contributes nothing to our family life, but we're stuck with him.

ANYWAY, my day was ruined, and I actually shed a tear or two out of sheer self-pity. I called DH and said, "I don't deserve to have a car that smells like cat pee! Why me? I try to be a good person, I take care of my animals, why DH? Why?"

LOL... dramatic? Moi? Naaaaaah.

The good news is that DH was able to locate the Lake Michigan-sized puddle in the back seat area and remove the floor mat, so the car is relatively unscathed. I just need to buy new floor mats now, which is do-able.

But I still hate that freaking cat.

S & J Got Hitched

A great time was had by all! It was a lovely ceremony and the reception was quite rockin' thanks to their great band. BS took over the photo duties, which explains why most of the pics were taken from an upward (hardly flattering) angle, and also explains why there are a million pictures of the band! BS didn't eat or drink a thing all night - he was completely enthralled with the band. He danced like a mad man and had quite a "sympatico" thing going on with the band leader/guitarist.

Some pics:

Before the ceremony:



DH & the groom:


The groom & his bros, watching the ladies arrive:


BS took this one of their first walk back down the aisle as husband & wife:


Cocktail hour - I asked Anne to take a family picture of us before the boys ditched their ties and jackets and got food all over their hair & faces. It figures, though - all of my efforts to make sure my little family unit was neat & tidy and well-dressed were largely thwarted by BS's 2 black eyes (that giant egg on his forehead from the school incident last week migrated South just in time for the big day), and the shower in our room was a low-flow nightmare, so I'm having a rather limp-tastic hair day. Oh well... A for effort, I say!


Dancin' fools:

This is my hot mother-in-law (MIL-ILF?) showing a little "R-E-S-P-E-C-T"


LS looked this dazed & confused the entire time:


This is my awesome future sister-in-law, Anne... she was a HUGE help to me all weekend with the kids! Look at her - you can practically see her halo. :)


BS took this one, and I think it's the best of the batch! Cheers!!


It was a lot of fun, even though I was "on duty" with the kiddos all weekend and couldn't truly let loose Bev-style. ;) I still got my party on, though. You know how I do it.

Rich people are annoying

Ok, so I'm back from the wedding extravaganza. It went well, and everything was lovely. I'll post about that once I get my pictures off of the camera and have something to show for the whole she-bang.

For now, I must rant and rave just a wee bit about something unrelated.

I'm irritated because I missed one of my boss's emails this morning. Once in a while, one of our idiotic clients writes a giant check or uses their debit card for something without making sure they have enough money in the account first. When that happens, the home office sends us an email and we have to move money around and respond by 12 PM Central time (1 PM our time) or they'll bounce the check. Well, this morning boss left at 10:45 for a meeting, and I checked his email at 11:20 to see if we had anything to cover. Apparently, this notice came in at 11:25. (banging head against wall). So, because some entitled piece of shit wrote a $3,000 check without, oh, I don't know, making sure they had MONEY in that account first... I'm up shit's creek without a paddle. Now boss and I have to kiss their butts and fall over ourselves apologizing because THEY'RE dumbasses who just assume they have cash to spend. Nice.

Lots of things to do today...

Yet I'm stuck at work, with no work to do....

Seriously, I know this isn't a bad problem to have, per se, but I am 100% caught up on my work and my boss is out at a conference ALL day, so unless clients call with crises for me to handle, I have nothing to occupy my time this work day. Worse yet, I have a million and one things I need to get done before we all hop on a plane tomorrow after work and go to Philly for the wedding!

It's a rather helpless feeling, being trapped like this. I'm coping by making list upon list and plotting many errands during my lunch break.

As I have mentioned, I've resolved not to truly bitch about my craptastic office job during these trying economic times. I am grateful for a steady paycheck that does not require any real brain power and allows me to only work 4 days/week. It's all good - there's certainly more to me than my JOB and I will not be defined by my Office Space existence, after all. It's just what I do 30 hrs/week to pull in some income. It doesn't say anything at all about who I am or what is important to me.

So, this isn't a real complaint - this is just a general, "this sucks!" moment. ;) I'd just rather be doing monotonous housework and packing than be shackled to my desk today!

In other news, BS hit his head at school yesterday and has a MASSIVE egg right smack in the middle of his forehead. D'oh! He is totally our kid. Trust BS to get a giant bruise right before the family pictures that will be displayed for many years to come! He's okay, though, and unphased by the lump. It's smaller today and turning a lovely shade of purple.... The good news is, I think his bangs will cover it.

Aha!

Well, that explains it. Yesterday was a FULL MOON. No wonder I felt off all day! I have always felt a bit tied to the phases of the moon, as odd as that sounds. It's true that the full moon sometimes brings out the crazies. I remember when I was a waitress at Nectar's bar in Burlington - if ever I had a weird night filled with strange encounters and crazy bar patrons, I'd later realize that it was a full moon night.

My parents like to tell me about how when I was a little kid (age 3 or 4), I'd sit outside on the porch in my pajamas and talk to the moon. I called it, "Mouse." My dad says I'd sit there and gaze up at the moon and say, "Moooooouuuuse! Can't see. Can't hear. Mooooouuuuuse!"

So, you see, I've always been loonie. ;)

Updates

1. I gave up beer 2 weeks ago, and have gained 3 lbs. @#!%^&*

2. LS is back on the binky-crack, but only at night. Sigh.

3. Despite my best efforts to spiff up the appearance, I've gained weight, my teeth are barely whiter because I saved 10 bucks and bought the ghetto Rite-Aid strips instead of the Crest strips, and my hair is as unruly as ever because I just can't muster the energy to care enough to blow dry it. Oh, and my skin is breaking out for no discernable reason.

4. I'm discouraged with my writing, and don't even feel much like reading, which is odd.

5. Originality is still dead.

Booooooo. To say that I've got a case of the Mondays is an understatement. I'm trying to do like Little Nicky and "release the good" (cue rainbows & frolicking bunnies) instead of releasing the evil (monster ripping bunny's head off).

I need some white sage up in here! ;)

Originality is DEAD! Tell your friends.

Last night I was kvetching to DH about the fact that the latest novel I read had some themes that were a little too similar to the themes I've been writing about in my little book-ish project. I was complaining about how there just aren't any new ideas out there, how even the most original works I've read recently have become tarnished when I find another book with similar storylines/characters, etc. Now, it seems that I'm falling victim to the same problems. I can only hope that my characters and perpsective are soooo unique (yeah right) that people will want to read my shit anyway. We'll see.

So then, we moved on to some other topic, and I got this terrific idea for my next writing project. It was what Oprah describes as a "lightbulb moment." ;) I was basically bitching about how happy I would be if I never had to work in an office ever again. I suddenly had this awesome idea for a story: what if, sometime in the not-so-distant future, the U.S. government found a simple solution to our economic woes? What if part of that solution was that all offices were disbanded and workers HAD to telecommute?

I'm thinking, every home is equipped with an entire wall that is a television screen, so even though you're in your house, you see the other workers in your office in little Brady Bunch-type boxes on your wall all day long. Of course, they can see you, too, and this is the new face of the American work force. You log into your home office and are "on" all day except for your designated breaks, when you're allowed to log off and go unseen for however long your break is. The internet becomes the driving source of social interaction. There is literally no need to leave your home most of the time, and the government issues restrictions on how often you can drive your car (due to the environmental issues brought on by our overuse of carbon-based fuels, don'tcha know).

The relative connundrum, of course, is that people will become so antisocial that our society begins to crumble. People become socially inept and forget how to get along with one another in person. They forget how to relate... and indeed, perhaps they forget how to actually find suitable mates. Perhaps by saving the world from bread lines, rationing, and global warming, the government causes us to lose that which makes us social, human creatures. And forget about reproducing - we can't even speak to each other in person, much less do the nasty!

What if evolution starts kicking in after a few generations of population decline brought on by mass agoraphobia and social ineptitude? What if the few babies that manage to be born have no reproductive organs?

Anyway... as I went on and on and DH's eyes started to glaze over, he had his own light bulb moment. Suddenly he looked at me and said, "Sounds like 1984."

Well, slap my ass and call me George Orwell, he's kind of right.

Shoot. There really are no original ideas left in the world.

It's not a blog, it's a blah-g

I am sorry that I have been boring this week. I just can't seem to think creatively and I feel like my brain's been idling in neutral for a while now. I'm happy enough, just... blaaaah. If I were a color, I'd be taupe.

I think I need a real live, actual vacation. Too bad the closest thing I'm getting to vacationing is flying to beautiful, scenic Philadelphia next week for my brother-in-law's wedding. With the kids. Not exactly what I'd call "relaxing" or "rejuvenating."

So, please bear with me. I'm sure I'll be back to normal (heh) soon enough. I'll keep you posted.

News hijinx

A decade ago, when I worked in local tv news production, we had our share of fun with graphics. I've mentione "Dalicia," the morphed news anchors we used to create, and of course, you've seen our wacky weatherman and all that. Well, this little clip is what would have happened if one of our little fun moments actually made it to air:



ROFL! What a hoot! Somebody got severely reprimanded for that little indescretion, I'm certain.