The Best Mouse

The Best Mouse

Totally Do-Able Older Actors

I'll admit it, there are some men in Hollywood who are aging so well that I'd get my DILF on.  Heck, in some cases, I'd get my GILF on, even!  Since it's Friday and I'm in an outstanding mood (no, that's not sarcasm.  Really!) I thought it might be fun to check out the ripest fruit on the vine. I truly believe that age is just a number, and some of the coolest people I know are over 50!  Most (but not all) of these actors are old enough to be my father, but we're not related... so that makes them fair game.

Daddy issues?  Moi?  I don't know what you're talking about.  Shut up.

Here goes--actors I'd totally shag even though some of them are--how do I say this delicately?  A bit long in the tooth.

Jeff Bridges, age 61

The dude abides

Harrison Ford, age 68

I can even forgive him for both the earring and Calista Flockhart.  The man was Han Solo AND Indiana Jones!

 Clint Eastwood, age 80 (!)

Okay, so I probably wouldn't do him because of the old-man smell, but the man's a legend... and I have a thing for cowboys.

 George Clooney, age 50

George is still young and still smokin' hot after all these years!  Plus funny, smart, and a humanitarian.  *swoon*

Denzel Washington, age 56

This man does not age!

Jerry Stiller, age 83

HAHA--GOT YA!

Since I always aim to be fair, I'll throw in a few hot older dames too.

Susan Sarandon, age 64

Mother-lover.

 Meryl Streep, age 61

Love her.

Michelle Pfeiffer, age 52

She's still got it.

Sigourney Weaver, age 61

This is how a natural beauty ages.

 Helen Mirren, age 65

She looks better in a bikini than I do. Bitch.

So there's my list.  Who's on yours?

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Children Are Disgusting (TMI)

Yeah, yeah.  They're cute and all, but let's be totally honest: kids are disgusting.  I just need to vent about some of the more repulsive things my children have done recently.  Feel free to chime in with your own horror stories!

Yesterday as I was wiping the bum of my squirming three-year-old who had just unapologetically crapped his pants, I witnessed my oldest son do something so vile that it made the poop-filled diaper in front of me seem like small potatoes.  I glanced up just as D removed a huge chunk of snot from his nose... in one swift movement the quivering wad of gunk went into his mouth.

**puking**

Oysters, anyone?

Of course I read him the riot act about using tissues, washing his hands, how eating boogers transmits germs and causes illness, and so forth... but honestly, I don't think there's anything in the world that will stop a kid from picking his nose.  When I complained about it to Jim he said he remembers picking his nose and eating it when he was a kid too.  As he put it, "So you've picked your nose... the question then is, 'What do I do with it?'"

Fucking nasty!  Don't get me wrong, I was a nose-picking little shit when I was a kid too.  I have a vivid memory of sitting in my second grade classroom digging for gold when the teacher stopped her lesson, sighed heavily, and said, "Beverly, please get a tissue."

Certainly not my proudest moment.

IT WAS A SCRATCH!

So yeah, I get it, but let the record show that I never ATE my boogers. No way!  I just wiped and flicked them anywhere I felt like it.

Recently my little guy decided to stop being potty-trained, which means I've been cleaning up a lot of truly nauseating messes lately.  You wouldn't even believe the smell of some of the laundry I've been doing this morning! 

Adding to that fun is the fact that we're also working on housebreaking our five-month-old puppy, so twice now M has decided to take a big whiz on the hallway carpet alongside the peeing puppy.  Yes, you read that right. Someday soon, when both the dog and the boy are finally trustworthy, we're gonna have to bite the bullet and replace the carpeting upstairs.  It's that bad.

Last story: on New Year's Eve the herd of children (there were ten of them here) decided to write on the wall upstairs in INK and then "paint" a section of wall in the boys' room with meatballs.  So that was fun to clean up.  I also found a petrified fuzzy green chunk of something between the seat cushions of the sofa that looked like a science experiment gone very, very wrong. I suspect it was once a piece of String Cheese.  I won't even go into the things I've found rotting in my car.

Slobs!

Okay, I'm glad I got that off my chest.  Now tell me I'm not alone, please!  Misery loves company.  ;)